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I saw her at work and she looks extremely thin.  I am pretty certain this is her method to kill herself.  She looks like she cant walk. I think I'm the only one that can tell because I know her and what she's going through.

Does anyone know how long it takes to kill yourself from anorexia?

I just wish i could help her (as a friend) but she doesn't want my help and I hate to sit around watching her die and not be able to do anything.

Nothing you can do. I know you are concerned. I had a similar problem.
My ex had weight loss surgery. The kind where they remove most of the stomach so she doesn't feel hungry.
She would just forget to eat and drink where as I was always taking care of her.
It recently put her in the hospital. She was so dehydrated that somehow it burst a blood vessel or something and she had to go in for immediate surgery.
Same here she is wasting away but there is nothing we can do.
We are still a trigger. They have to follow their own path.

My exBPD stopped eating the first time we split up and lost about 45 lbs in a short period of time then managed her very low weight for a couple of years.  2 months before the recent discard she started to starve herself again and lost about 25-30 lbs in that time frame.  Her weight loss excuse to other people was that I was abusing her and wouldn't feed her but her excuse to me was she had health issues and didn't feel like eating.  It's obviously dangerous and hard on the body to lose that amount of weight in such a short period of time.  Why does she do it?  Maybe to be thinner and more attractive to her next supply or maybe another way of ensuring her victim-hood.  Who knows the real reason and I don't spend any time thinking about it as she isn't my problem anymore.  I can't and simply am not interested in rescuing her from the hair-brained problems she brings upon herself.

She is the type that if she read or heard about some disease then she'd lookup the symptoms and decide that she most likely had it.  She diagnosed herself with asthma, heart problems, rheumatoid arthritis, etc and after numerous medical tests was determined that she had none of those problems.  She still goes around telling people that she does.  After so many false alarms I stopped caring about her phantom health issues and didn't believe her when she told me she had a problem.  If she is losing weight now because of a real health problem and ends up dying because of it that will be sad but still nothing I can do about it.

Hi Shedd  

I'm sorry to hear you're having these thoughts, and about the physical state of your ex.

Are you seeing a counsellor/therapist? When struggling with this kind of thoughts and feelings it can be of great help to talk to a professional. It can be hard to break that type of thought pattern on your own, and as you say, your ex isn't ready to listen to you. I would advice you to look into seeing one of the above, if you're not already doing so :)


I understand you feel upset over seeing her in this state. Now, we're not at all sure it's actually going to lead to her death, right?

... .you're right. And for me, accepting that some things in life are impossible to change hasn't been easy. But it can also be of comfort as you gradually embrace it, meaning you can then relax from that and focus more on yourself instead :) Am I making sense?

Can I ask you this:
For how long have you been separated?
Do you see her on a daily basis through your work?

/Keef

Hi Shedd,

I can understand your worrying about your ex-partner, especially when she looks so thin. It's hard when you want to help, but the other person doesn't want it.

At times like these, it helps to think about Radical Acceptance (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=72841.0;all) as part of the recovery process.

Are you in regular contact?

heartandwhole

Hi Shedd,

I can understand the worry about our ex pwBPD's health, i'm guilty of jumping to conclusions too, I think that it helps to read and understand cognitive distortions because we can identify these thoughts and balance them with both positive and negative thoughts. What do you think?

POLL: Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking - Burns MD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56199.0;all)

For everyone wondering we are NC as of 7 months ago.  We have spoken a few times here and there, but that is only because I see her at work. 

At work I see her once a week right now. During the Christmas season I see her more because overtime is available.

But I am trying to hold my emotions aside. I still care about her, but since she doesn't want it there is nothing I can do. I'm not letting it consume me.  It's just sad.