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After a year, she broke NC that she initiated. She came up to me at a MeetUp event and said "Hi, Sweet Tooth." I said "Hi." Then she asked "Are you okay?" I replied, "I'm good." That was the end of the conversation.

That night I sent her a message (a dubious move on my part). I told her I forgive her and cherish our memories. I also said I'd like to be friendly at Meetup events. When she responded, she actually took responsibility for her behavior toward me and apologized. She said she was beginning to love me (before she discarded me) and had to push me away because she couldn't handle it. She agreed that she cherishes our memories and wants to be friendly.

I'm heart broken. We both loved each other and still care about each other... .but we can't be together. I've been doing a lot of crying. This is downright tragic for me. I just need some suppport.

Hi sweet tooth,

I'm sorry your heart is broken. Let yourself cry. I have found that there are pockets of grief that pop up at times like these, and even at unexpected moments. These issues touch us right in our cores, so please be gentle with yourself.

It is a sad realization that we can love someone and know that we can't be together. That hurts a lot. I find that there is a kind of sweetness in that sorrow, though, too. That little spark of self-love, self-protection. Do you know what I mean?

We're here for you. 

heartandwhole

Dont be heartbroken my friend. You got something that most of us did not and that is closure. You got it. She admitted fault and now you know you're not bad. Now heal yourself and move to bigger and better things.

Support coming your way sweet tooth  . I also got closure which broke my heart. The last thing my ex told me was that he cared for someone else now, but he loved me. Push/pull. I got to tell him I loved him too. BPD is tragic. I’m so sorry.   

Depending on how you look at it, God or the Universe will move things out of our life to make room for something bigger and better.  As much as you love her, can you imagine your life with a woman you love even more?  Just think about that for a moment.  She will come along and you will be filled with so much love you have to give it away to all of those around you because you may burst.  Sometimes what we want for ourselves is too small and God or the Universe move it away from our grasp to make room for the best things in our life. 

How am I supposed to cope knowing we loved each other (and if we were 100% honest both still do) but can never be together because of her emotional baggage? It's emotionally torturous.

... .I'm walking in the same shoes

Sweet tooth,

There's going to come a time when you have to evaluate how going to a meet-up where you know your ex will be, and how it affects your well being.  

You've mentioned that you didn't want to avoid going to the meet-ups as its something you enjoy. Well besides running into your ex, did you meet other people ?

If you spent your time pondering  how you could have handled it differently.  You're thinking maybe you just give in and change a little more and you could be together. To me, that just isn't healthy for yourself. Consider staying away for a bit.  Regroup and then decide if you want to go back where expose yourself to seeing her with someone else.

Find a different hobby sweet tooth.

Sweet I am so sorry. I know myself deep down my ex loves me. I know all this stuff that happened with us is her illness. But we have to realize they are very mentally ill. If you let her back in it will be worse then the last time. Trust me I know very well. Unfortunalty we have to let them go. Unless they get help for their disorder they will continue to live their lives in turmoil. We can't save them. They have to save themselves. I know your hurting and it suxs . Try and stay strong. Cry and mourn her. It helps.Take care of you .

I'm so sorry buddy. I really am. I know first hand how it can hurt. I had to let the girl that loved the most go. Why? Because it's a disease, left untreated, can make your life pure hell. If they decide to go for treatment, than it's a livable hell from what I understand.

Sometimes life isn't fair, dude. Let of the dream, and focus on reality. Find another meetup group. Don't do this to yourself man... .please don't. You have been sober for so long, don't fall off the wagon.

I actually met some really nice people through the MeetUp groups and one of them is a female I'm interested in. Things were going really well until the BPD popped up.

Hey Sweet Tooth,

You and myself [ i believe] have a similar timeframe here; when we started our journey into finding out about our ex/w BPD, learned about its symptoms and the ultimate healing that was needed to move on . Unlike you however, I've seen my ex twice and each time she treats me like I'm a horrible person. The hatred she rummages from her soul is truly shocking. MY point— Be happy that you got to see her and each other in a more positive light. Cherish those memories and know that the future will allow you to rest a bit easier when you look back.  

One year later, yes I'm much better then i was but, there still remains a deep dark hole of wasted time in my heart. It's a much different type of despair your experiencing. At least you have something to show for 'that time of you life' now. And you both can agree that, it actually was good.

Mourn the loss, cry it out, that's healthy. You both can look back fondly now. And, only good things can come out that.

@Mars: I'm sorry that that happened to you. You don't deserve that. I am appreciative that I have good memories and that we can be friendly. However, I strongly regret that it can't be anymore than that. We have a really strong chemistry. She made me want to be the best version of myself. I legitimately loved her and still care about her deeply. I think about her every day and miss what we had. It's tragic and unfortunate. I don't know of any other way to describe it. When I saw her the other night I kept looking at her, longing for what we had. It made me realize how much I miss her. I'm actually tearing up right now.

Also, even though it's obvious that she has some borderline traits, I don't think she is a genuine Borderline: She's self aware enough to know that she has serious issues and willing to admit when she's wrong/apologize. I'm no expert.

I believe iits only normal to have those feelings after the time away. So much expectation and energy was expended loving and thinking about this person... so, indeed your feelings are most certainly intense and heightened by your  re-association . I can only imagine those feelings in the positive sense.

It's a step in the right direction for sure. But, try and step back slightly, just a bit One positive meetings shouldn't knock you off track of the life you need to be leading for yourself? Right ? I don't all your details of how the discard went down. I'm sure it was hard. Forgiving is important and you have achieved a healthy forgiveness it seems, as has she.

 I can only imagine seeing her now, as happy as she was when you both first met can reawaken intimate feelings. That's to be expected. Just try and get some perspective though as to how far you've come and whether or not it's still worth investing any more time again.

Do you have expectations? Or, has just the 'scab been peeled off' and your feeling pain about the whole ordeal again?

I don't have any expectations.