BPDFamily.com

So, I'm sorry if this question offends anyone but I'm still trying to wrap my head around my husbands diognosis.
Are people with BPD more dangerous than the rest of the general population? Are they more likely to commit murder? Or be violent?

Like I said I'm not trying yo be offensive but I get these random questions in my head and I'm trying to process all this information.
I feel stupid asking this but I gave yo admit it has been playing on my mind... .I'm not sleeping well and feeling down and confused by it all.

Hulu: *)
Not everyone with BPD is the same.  There are variations in traits and there are variations in what other mental disorders they may have.  Also, some people are more high functioning than others.

Has your partner ever been physically abusive in the past?  Is he currently making threats of physical abuse, even subtle ones?

If there are some signs of possible abuse, it is a good idea to have a safety plan.  The information at the link below can help you with that.

SAFETY FIRST
https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf

No, he has never been physically or abusive or made those types of threat. Just verbally abusive but he hasn't done that in a year. He is in therapy now. He initiTed it. Well the psychiatrist referred him and it is a 3 year intensive course

I think there is a wide range of moral decision making among people with BPD.

One helpful view is the drama triangle. When a person is in victim mode- they may feel justified to do certain behaviors because they are "defending themselves" against a perceived persecutor. When not in victim mode, they would not do these things, and they consider themselves to be a good person because they would not. Yet, when dysregulated, they make different choices. Sometimes after the episode they attempt to forget, and may even do so.

Yet, even then, they may have a moral bottom line. The line might vary according to the situation. They may be financially dishonest with a spouse, yet impeccably honest in business, and taxes. They may be verbally abusive with a spouse, but never with a work colleague. Yet, their bottom line for everyone might be physical violence. They may consider this wrong all the time.

A small percentage of the population in general- and of the BPD population- are criminal/sociopaths. These are dangerous people- whether or not they have BPD. In my own experience, I think people with BPD tend to be emotionally harmful with the people closest to them, and can be morally upright to others.

Safety first. The population of pwBPD is diverse. In any group of people there is the possibility of dangerous behavior. If you feel you are in danger, it is important to take steps to protect yourself and your family.

That is spot on Notwendy. I had to leave my house a couple of weeks ago because of physical threats. They were not just words but there was putting of hands to my face jamming fingers on my mouth. Threats of punching my eyes out, putting out my good eye etc. I know what she has done to other people in her past.

Based on the type of threat and knowing what she is capable of I had to make my decision to leave for the night.

You are correct. they justify their actions. She even told me that. Even when I was hit before by her, she called me a Pu**y for even me mentioning that what she did wasn't right.

Just keep yourself safe

My experience is that there isn't always a physical threat before things get physical.  I realized my fiance was emotionally off, but him strangling me really was surprising.  I ran outside in my underwear to get help in my state of shock.

I feel awful for asking the question. Deep down I know that anyone is capable of horrific things. This is the man I am meant to be having a family with. I feel so confused and uneducated.

Hello Hulu 


There is no reason to feel bad about your question. I think your question is very justified.
BPD has a tendency to hurt us emotionally. I think it's only natural we start to wonder if they will hurt us physically, too. I had the same fear when I was still with my ex. (In his case I think yes he could have become physically abusive as well, but I left him at the same period that I saw the first signs).

Have you had the impression you saw signs in that area ?



Do you already have children with him ?

No, I have never seen these signs in him. He has never been involved in a fight. He has never been in trouble with the police... .never even had a speeding ticket.

No ... .we don't have any children yet. We knew we couldn't bring a child into this world in this situation.