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Title: If the BPD father lives in another country Post by: Dontknow88 on February 07, 2017, 09:40:11 AM For anyone who's coming across my post for the first time to make a long story short he is high functioning but also highly suicidal often self harms and has admitted on more than five occasions that he has regret our (planned) sons existence. Also as you may know with most BPD people through relationship Ending can be Domestic violence. I have gotten a lot of gas lighting a lot of emotional abuse One of our last interaction it was so close to becoming physical but I've asked him to leave.
We originally planned to sign a custody agreement for me to get sole custody he but after 10 months of going back-and-forth of him changing his mind it's official now that we are going to court. What do you think my chances are of me getting sole crusty and him just getting the right to pay child support and only supervised visitation? Title: Re: If the BPD father lives in another country Post by: ForeverDad on February 11, 2017, 12:30:40 PM Courts are typically reluctant to grant sole custody without documented basis. I think risk to the child might be one of them, probably depends on how it is quantified and other factors. One downside is that something isn't generally deemed 'actionable' until it happens.
What does sole custody mean to you? Custody often refers to the legal end of things such as major decision of medical, school, religion, etc. On the other hand, a parenting schedule impacts the day to day parenting and care. Ponder parallel strategies. Seek sole custody but also work with your lawyer on how to implement backup strategies such as Decision Making or Tie Breaker status. In practice, DM or TB are effectively sole custody with a twist but not in name. It allows the other parent to not feel totally shut out. At least that's probably how it is implemented. While full legal custody is optimal in high conflict cases, Tie-Breaker or Decision-Making are close seconds and easier to get or keep. While sole custody feels so much better, there's not all that much difference, here's how the concepts work in general terms: Sole Custody Make decisions and inform other parent as appropriate Decision Making Make decisions and inform other parent as appropriate Tie Breaker Ask other parent, if tied then proceed and inform other parent as appropriate Typical Joint Custody If no agreement on a major issue (medical, school, religious, etc) then parents turn to mediation, court, etc. As you can tell, there's not all that much difference. So if you can't get sole custody then advocate for DM ot TB. Something is better than nothing. The ex can always take things to mediation or court, just as you can. Of course, sole custody is safer and more likely to withstand sabotage, but many courts are reluctant to award sole custody to one parent, they prefer not to declare a Winner and a Loser. So DM or TB are more palatable all around, court likes the nonjudgmental middle ground, ex saves face and you get to proceed with minimally sabotaged parenting. Title: Re: If the BPD father lives in another country Post by: Dontknow88 on February 14, 2017, 07:52:28 AM Courts are typically reluctant to grant sole custody without documented basis. I think risk to the child might be one of them, probably depends on how it is quantified and other factors. One downside is that something isn't generally deemed 'actionable' until it happens. What does sole custody mean to you? Custody often refers to the legal end of things such as major decision of medical, school, religion, etc. On the other hand, a parenting schedule impacts the day to day parenting and care. Ponder parallel strategies. Seek sole custody but also work with your lawyer on how to implement backup strategies such as Decision Making or Tie Breaker status. In practice, DM or TB are effectively sole custody with a twist but not in name. It allows the other parent to not feel totally shut out. At least that's probably how it is implemented. Well legally the most I think for him to do is get supervised visits, pay child support and that is it. He's high functioning but pretty unstable to the point that I fear the though of him being alone with our son. I know supervised visits and paying child support is all he can Handel (and he's admitted that). But since him being in a new relationship and new co-workers he's been getting (for the lack of a better word) " false hope" . Like when I met him I though he was a great guy. That's what they see now. |