BPDFamily.com

Zombie mode! That's how I seem to react to visits and phone calls with my BPD mother.

As an example I met her yesterday in a cafe with her 2 support workers from the mental health unit she is currently in under section. We have two hours together and her support workers sit on the table next to us, our conversation included taekwondo (her latest obsession) and how she has watched the karate kid 47 times in a few days, she also asked to see a photo of my biological dad who got in touch after 28 years of being absent (she has major issues around him and me seeing him) - she admitted buying a Stanley knife on her visit to town to "protect herself" from him (he lives 70 miles away from her unit and from my interactions and questions to him appears to be a balanced family man).  Anyway, during the visit she gets up and down, goes for a cigarette or to the toilet every few minutes, starts doing kicks in the cafe and rifling through the drawers where the cutlery is held for staff.
She kept asking the support workers for painkillers but her meds were not due until her return, she said she wanted to buy some on the way back from a shop, they said absolutely not, she asked if she could buy a bottle of coke from a shop then... .I smiled as I could see that her intention was to get hold of painkillers regardless. The next thing I knew she had slapped me across the face, it didn't hurt much but was a bit of a shock!

For the rest of the day and this morning I was incredibly disassociated, quite numb and felt next to useless, I have managed to bring myself out of the fog quickly this time by meditating, focussing on my Doggy clients

I can remember at times feeling that mental numbness: I used to find doing a repetitive yet productive task enabled me just to let the feeling go and the mind come round to the simplicity of the present. My favourite was simply doing the ironing!

She slapped you?  Now that just makes me mad.  Who else does she slap?  She sounds nuts by your description of her other antics... .yet... .and I have to ask are you the only one she hits?  Did her support workers see the violence?

Hi JP_003. I completely relate to the zombie effect. I often find myself in frozen mode during our visits. It's like I'm on autopilot, completely out of touch with myself, simply paying attention to doing whatever I can to avoid her having a tantrum. (I know, I know: I can't control whether she has a tantrum or not. But I still try.) Often, after she leaves or after we have a phone conversation, I'm a wreck for days. Yoga helps. Long walks. Snuggling the dogs. Things that are sensory and help me connect with my body and with good things in my life. Hope this helps.