BPDFamily.com

About 20 years ago I joined this site as DeadManWalking. My wife at the time had been diagnosed with BPD.  It was an extremely chaotic and violent relationship.

I was at my absolute lowest in my life. I learned and grew here and eventually changed my name to AKnightInTheMaking as I turned my life around and fought for custody of my unborn girl.

After 2 years I won sole legal custody when she was 16 months old. I didn't win the case as much as she lost hers.  It took a long time for the crazy to come out and the lies to be seen for what they were.

 BPDex ultimately was put on supervised parenting until completed psych eval. She instead chose to abandon the relationship. My daughter has not seen her mother since 2010 when she was 5 yrs old.

I remarried in 2008 to my current wife that I am now separated from. I just found out that she is extremely likely to have high-functioning BPD or "Quiet BPD".  It was clear things were wrong over the years but it was never extreme. I think the biggest problem as I have spent time over the years to figure it out was that I specifically blew off the idea of BPD because "what would be the chances"?"

Quiet BPD is quite different as an experience but you certainly do continue to walk on eggshells. She has extremely low self esteem, an intense inner critic that horribly shames her, and as my stepson says, he has to think of her as two people - the mother he loves and the tyrant. The thing that eluded me was the fear of abandonment.

It wasn't until last week that I saw a image of my past BPD ex while my current wife was utterly melting down.  I knew all to well that bottomless pit of need. It rattled me so much I couldn't sleep all night.

My current wife who I am separated from has been emotionally abusing my daughter for years and it wasn't until last year that I knew for a fact that it was my wife who had issues. I have been trying for a year to address our dysfunctional family. It just all blew up.  Some times when you try to fix something that is broken you just break it worse.

I will get into what happend in another post but I wanted to raise my hand and say hello again.  :hi:

This place was literally a life saver for me back when it was called The Nook.  Thank you all in advance for your support and care.

Ugh...was trying to fix the Topic thread.  Stopping while I am ahead.  No edit button huh?   :(

Hi and a warm welcome back  :hi: this place has been a lifesaver for me, too.


(it got lost in a functionality hack [not a data compromise hack] a year or two ago. I'm not a techy person -- the techy people said it is not a fast or easy fix. Feel free to PM staff if you have edit/typo needs)


Really sorry it's going down this way. That has to be excruciating.

What were some of the approaches you tried to address your family situation dysfunction?

If I'm reading correctly, your daughter is 19 now? Is she living at home? And has your current wife moved out?

Fill us in more, whenever works best for you. As you are well aware, we'll be here  *)

Welcome back and I'm so sorry this happened but I'm glad you've realized it, and your stepson realizes the situation too.  Amazing job protecting your daughter.

Just wanted to say I can relate to how you feel. I spent much of my life understanding and setting boundaries with a uBPD parent and ended up married to a quiet BPD. It's incredibly frustrating to know that I've picked this all over again.