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Title: Introducing Myself Post by: gingermayme on September 26, 2024, 08:03:14 AM Hello,
I am the parent of a 17 year old with BPD and Bipolar disorder. He has been in and out of mental health facilities for the last three years, and is in an acute facility right now. He will be 18 towards the end of March. He has not been able to live in our home since May, and two weeks ago he disrupted his placement (which led to his current hospitalization). I am struggling with emotional boundaries, knowing what's the right thing to do to support him as well as my other children. I often feel like I have to choose between my children to balance the need to protect everyone's physical and emotional safety. I am very well versed on DBT, current research regarding BPD, boundaries, and self compassion. I have participated in extensive therapy myself as the daughter of a parent with BPD. I am currently in an intensive outpatient program myself to help alleviate the anxiety and depression due to consistently increasing intensity from our ongoing situation. I am looking for a place for support, encouragement, advice, and understanding about the complexity of loving and supporting a nearly adult child with BPD. Thank you in advance for welcoming me. GM Title: Re: Introducing Myself Post by: kells76 on September 27, 2024, 01:46:09 PM Hello and a warm *welcome*
Wow... three years of intense treatment for you son, and he's only 17 -- my heart goes out to you all. You must have been dealing with some intense behaviors since he was young. So he has an out-of-home placement and is now in an acute care facility. When he was just in the OOH placement, before the facility, what kind of schedule or structure did you have for interacting with him (if any)? I'm curious if you had a set day of the week to spend a set amount of time with him, or if there was some other kind of setup? Maybe that could give you some ideas for how to support him while balancing that with caring for your other children. That is -- if the plan had been "parent spends time with S17 for 2 hours every Friday", then maybe you can keep that going -- set aside two hours every Friday (or two hours total per week) for supporting him, and mentally release the rest to his care team. I might be off base -- just some ideas. How many other kids do you have? What are their ages? And do they all still live at home? That transition point from "legal child" to "legal adult" does sound incredibly intense when BPD is involved. Has your S17 had any areas of success in his life -- a subject in school, a hobby, caring for a pet, an area of knowledge about an interest (even if it's "just" knowing a lot about a TV show), cooking, volunteering (even if briefly), sports, artistic endeavors...? Getting a feel for how pervasive/impactful his diagnoses are. Glad you are also getting IOP support right now. Other members here have also done inpatient and outpatient treatment to take care of themselves, so you're not alone. This is really a group that gets it about the beyond-intense challenges of having a pwBPD in the family system, and how it's not "one size fits all" for how to cope, especially when it's your own child. Fill us in some more, whenever you feel up for it; kells76 |