BPDFamily.com

So recently my UBPD Wife's father passed away. He had been battling stage 4 kidney cancer for the better part of 2 years, almost to the day. When we got the notice that he had only a day or so left to live, I told my wife to pack and bag and get heading to see her dad and spend the last waking moments with him. I stayed behind to care for our 6 yo daughter as she had testing that week and she had already been sick a few days the week before and was having to still catch up. That and the hospital would not let her in, and there would be lots of emotions, that I, nor my wife, are ready for her to experience up close yet. Minus the fact that we are currently down to one vehicle due to my wife blowing up the engine in her car while driving us all back from Thanksgiving a few years ago as she never took in her car to get the chain guide removed from the engine block after 3 months of being notified. So she drives my car now and since we are 6 figures in debt due to many legal issues, her spending issues, and refusals to go back to work for the longest time to help with the bills, its just been the perfect poop storm to deal with running around with a 6 yo to school and activities via Lyft or asking friends for rides, or boring my friend/neighbors car from time to time, which honestly I feel like I am over asking for that and don't want to abuse the friendship.

Either way I have been planning on divorcing my wife for almost 9 months now, but during marriage therapy due to her missing sessions, our therapist being out for months at a time dealing with miscarriage issues, and not wanting to start this crap all over again, it has taken a very long and drawn out amount of time to pull this plug safely, as I am trying to get her to see what happened, actually did happen (sexually assaulted me a few times while we were trying to get pregnant on nights I was having manic attacks and couldn't perform nor did I want to perform...but that didn't stop her from trying ...and lots of other reasons, but ultimately the most messed up/traumitizing experience I have ever had sexually...and I was an altar boy...LOL).

The question I have is I am feeling conflicted as I was so close to wrapping this all up by Halloween and telling her this is the direction we need to go and pressure her to get some serious help, for the betterment of our daughter and coparenting relationship moving forward. I really want to keep things moving forward in a timely manner as to give us both time to heal and figure things out...but with her dads passing within the past month...it has made me feel uneasy as I am afraid of pulling the rug out from underneath her and afraid of pushing her over the edge. She fakes the "happiness" really well...but I know she is suffering. She just hides it from me and others, lord knows what she is telling everyone of her friends as to what is going on. Thoughts?

I have two thoughts...  First is that there is no "perfect" time to separate.  There will always be something to make you feel inclined to wait for a better time.

Second is that by waiting and waiting, there may be some incident (in my case it was my first time calling the police during a ragefest) where you lose control of the matter.

I had only just discovered about "personality dysfunction" a couple months before.  I was woefully unprepared, the only things I had done right was (1) I had separated my checking and paycheck account from our joint household accounts which simplified, (2) we never had separate credit accounts, not joint, and (3) I had recorded that ragefest incident before the police had arrived.  While my voice recording wasn't available right then due to a broken speaker, it was invaluable in the aftermath.