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Title: light turned on Post by: muddylotus on October 10, 2024, 06:03:21 PM supporting my ex through a tough time. came upon quiet BPD and it was like all of the struggles from our relationship suddenly made sense. I was overcome with sadness/compassion for his experience and sadness/grieving for myself. All those years I thought I could have done better, and there was nothing I could do to help him.
Title: Re: light turned on Post by: Under The Bridge on October 12, 2024, 04:00:45 AM It's a total revelation when you finally realise the cause of your partner's actions; until then it's always so hard to comprehend why they do the things they do, especially when you're so nice to them.
In my own case, I didn't realise my ex had textbook BPD until 30+ years later, as there was no home internet to research things back then and I put her actions down to simply 'having a nasty side to her'. Was quite a shock to see the characteristics of BPD and see that they matched up to her almost perfectly. There's a lot of good info and help here if you're intent on continuing the relationship - and also a lot of good advice if you're not. regards S Title: Re: light turned on Post by: ForeverDad on October 12, 2024, 09:20:33 AM Welcome :hi: though of course the circumstances for your arrival here ought to have been better ones. You will find that many here have "been there, experienced that". Please keep browsing and posting, there is so much collective wisdom to be found here.
One insight is that you can't fix serious issues such as BPD traits. You've been in a close relationship. The complication is that BPD is a disorder most evident in close relationships. Others who are on the periphery may from a distance notice something "off" but never be too impacted. Unlike how you are, as emotionally close as you have been. People with BPD (pwBPD) typically can't or won't get past the emotional baggage of the relationship. So they can't or won't truly listen to you. Where you tried and failed all this time, just maybe an experienced professional, a therapist, not emotionally involved, might be able to provide meaningful therapy over time. Another problem is that pwBPD often have extreme Denial, Projections, Blaming and Blame Shifting. That's a huge hurdle to overcome. That said, whether he will would ever seek therapy is up to him. On the other hand, you're reasonably normal, and you are probably willing to benefit from counseling, and of course benefit from our peer support here too. |iiii |