BPDFamily.com

Background: we have never gotten along super well.  She is older than me, and we were not very close growing up just due to always being in different life circumstances at different times. She has several children, and the past few years have been horrific for my husband and I in that regard.  We had many miscarriages.  While I was having these miscarriages, she was pregnant with her fourth child.  The way I found out was extremely hurtful.  I shared this with her, and she blocked my phone number.  She claimed that my situation was too stressful for her during her pregnancy.  My phone number remained blocked for over a year.  My husband and I finally got good news and learned we would be having a live birth, finally.  Ay some point she unblocked my number during this.  She did come to the baby shower, but afterward, refused to join our family for any holidays because of all the "hurt".  She claims that her pregnancy was not celebrated enough because of what I was going through, and is demanding an apology.  This has now continued for months.  She will not speak to me, acknowledge my child, attend any family events, etc., until I apologize to her.

My question: how was I supposed to acknowledge her pregnancy when my phone number was blocked? It was communicated to me that my miscarriages were to stressful for her to interact with me.  But now she is mad at me that I did not interact with her?

There is a blowup like this every few years or so.  This one has just lasted the longest.  I feel so bad for my parents.   :help:

Hello redbunny,

Welcome!  :hi:

I have an older sibling and we’ve never been close. I’ve tried many times to get closer through the years but they’d back off He’d goad me into fights and take my stuff as punishment for trying. I tried to involve my parents into correcting his behavior but they’d won’t.

It’s taken a lot of time and effort to accept they do not want a close relationship, despite my best efforts.  I have to tell myself I’m not the cause of his personality disorder, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it.

I’ve backed off as it’s difficult to be near them. I’m low to no contact.  They have a great talent of making me look like the unstable, crazy sister.   They can really paint me black very easily. I don’t involve my parents any longer. It creates a worse situation and nothing gets resolved. I value my peace these days.

Great reply from TelHill!  That says it all so well.

BPDs will go to *any* length to play the victim.  If she punched you in the face it would be your fault for not making your skull soft enough for her bruised knuckles.

So sorry to hear about the miscarriages.  I can only imagine the pain from that.  Certainly this is someone who is not capable of real love and support when you are going through a traumatic time.  If they aren't there during the hard times, they aren't likely to be nice in the good times, either.

Maybe the blocking number may have done you a favor?