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Title: I'm conflicted Post by: needsupport33 on November 23, 2024, 06:24:05 AM I'm in this boat. Big big big time.
She is gourgeous, my ex. And I realize now how bad I'm addicted. Like I can't imagine a more beautiful woman in the world. Nobody. Not even close. Such a trauma bond. So addicting. And then I look inside my car, filled to the brim with trash and I see my mental health, and the healthy part of me is like - "you were dying being in this relationship". Because I was. I had no voice. I had to be on-call for emotional tantrums at all times - the middle of the night, middle of the work day, middle of talking to patients, middle of my custody case, middle of being sick, middle of having 1000 things to do as a dad. None of it mattered. "You don't love me I hate you" was always the response. And I kept trying. Kept saying "this time I won't mess up". But "I did". But not really. I'm just a human being. And I deserve and need peace, even if I lose what I believe to be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Even if I have to imagine her having sex with another guy. All of those things men thing about during a breakup. My kids need peace. And I have to give it to them. Or one day I'll never forgive myself. Title: Re: I'm conflicted Post by: Skip on November 23, 2024, 07:35:36 AM Not meaning to be Dr. Obvious, but...
(https://c.tenor.com/CfTjdx2ad-IAAAAC/tenor.gif) Working 80 hours a week, scoring 85 on the Burn's depression scale, supporting four children and a special needs wife, hiding in a closet... And worst of all, a car full of trash. *) Seriously, you are chasing something you will never catch. Going faster won't get you there... that's just winding your spring tighter. And I'm sure you can see this. And I'm sure the exit ramp appears pretty elusive. It is. Working your way out of this isn't very easy. Life is sucking you in and down. There is little time to think about restructuring your life, let alone doing it. In the short run, it might make more sense to shift gears and make your priority be creating a more stable situation. Force some time for yourself to chill down and rethink things. We only know a little about your life, but let's talk about it. |---> A divorce is a vast, emotionally destructive process. You're conflicted about it. Maybe put that on pause. Get her to agree on some ground rules that tamp down the drama. |---> Working at home sounds trying, and with the Holiday coming, it's going to get worse. Should you find another place to do some of your phone work - 3 days a week? |---> Can you tap the brakes on the working hours. Carve out one day a week to catch up on life. These are just examples - what do you think you can do to but some time to chill out? Title: Re: I'm conflicted Post by: Notwendy on November 23, 2024, 07:51:06 AM I watched my father struggle with this. I believe it is a form of addiction.
However, as you know, addictions have a cost. Financial costs Family costs Relationship costs Physical costs Probably one of the hardest things for you to do is to reach out for help with this. You are accustomed to helping other people. So, I'll ask again- if you were one of your patients with this issue- what would you tell him to do? |