BPDFamily.com

My adult Daughter has been struggling with BPD symptoms for many years, refusing counseling and medication etc.- Depressed negative thinking (" I'm all alone" "No one cares about me" - even though the exact opposite is true! ) Jeckle and Hyde drastic instant emotional flips
if certain buttons are accidentally pushed - usually relating to perceived
criticism, slights,or rejections - (falsely interpreted, mis- perceived or distorted)
that set off an extreme emotional reaction with resulting arguing and distress.
More recently I've noticed many of the "incidents" occur in relation to people not saying or doing exactly what she thinks they should or "would if they really cared", then her desperately and loudly trying get others to apologize or comply so it doesn't make her upset and being unable to get it out of her head and let it go. Seems to me that perhaps there are elements of OCD
(intrusive and compulsive thoughts) involved in this triggering sequence and
I am trying to understand it better in hopes of finding ways to prevent or counteract these frequent emotional episodes and the turmoil and misery they create for her and family members who love her.. Seems like elements of trying to excessively control circumstances or other people's behavior out of fear or anxiety.
Has anyone else noticed similar elements in the BPD symptoms of their
family member? Any information or insights would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

Hi Sunbird,

Yes!  What you describe is very similar to my stepdaughter’s behavior when she was diagnosed with BPD but untreated.

My view is that it’s not OCD, but that her temperament is very negative and mercurial, and she’s predisposed to read situations with negativity. For example, my stepdaughter was preoccupied with feeling childish, because she hadn’t hit various adult milestones, whereas her siblings and peers had moved on and left her behind. So she lacked self-esteem and was programmed to detect supposed disrespect, condescension or other put-downs where none existed. She thought others were treating her like a little girl, when the reality was that she acted like one!  When she lashed out accusing others of treating her like a baby, it was also a form of projection of her principal worry.

Another perspective I have is that she has a trauma-like response to ordinary stressors. Think fight or flight responses. Flight typically manifested as storming off or quitting early, blocking people and isolating. Fight needs little explanation. The thing is, usually something else was troubling her at the time, and this would « prime » her. Then an ordinary comment, disappointment or annoyance would set her off.  She’d often blame someone for outrageous things, in effect deflecting the blame for her underlying problem.

Finally, the « OCD » part is that she ruminates obsessively about the past—she can’t get past the past. Her bad mood is very negative, disproportionate and prolonged. She clings to the victim narrative like her life depends on it. Her identity really is tied to the victim narrative!  She lashes out because she can’t control her emotions, and she wants others to understand her pain, and punish them in the process. She can’t let go or apologize. She is the gold medalist of the grievance Olympics.

Hi Sunbird
I think there is very much either an overlap or OCD elements are part of the BPD elements. Perhaps given that people diagnosed with BPD can have a different group of symptoms from another diagnosed person - they don't all have to have the 9 symptoms - it could mean that some people have the OCD elements in more ways than others.

There are many ways I notice this. For example if I say something like 'We might be able to  . . . . . '. and then the whole situation changes and it is clear that whatever it was is not possible, DD will say 'But you said . . . .

It seems in your case that DD has a fixed idea on how an interaction should take place.  Is this correct? When it doesn’t happen this way she is completely thrown and her emotions/abandonment/anger issues are triggered.
It is a difficult situation to know how to address. The only thing you can do is to look at how you – and perhaps other family members – interact with her. In my case I am not a good person to interact with someone with BPD because I am rather an introvert and work things out in my head, and then present something ie the product of all my thinking.

I wonder if BPD people respond better when someone is more detailed in conversation, moves through things more slowly etc.

Can you think of any way you can change your side of interacting so that you can allow DD”s brain to build an understanding as you interact?
Just a thought – but yes I do think OCD elements can be part of an individual’s BPD profile.