BPDFamily.com

I recently learnt that all the challenges in my relationship is due to my partner's BPD. Words cannot explain the amount of distress and emotional pain I had to suffer in this relationship. I was in the relationship for 5 years - I couldn't take it anymore even though I love and care for her but the BPD side of her is so intense that it kills my soul.

Since It has been only one week since I separated from her and it is not mutual, she has been trying to pull me into the relationship again. She has been constantly texting every day - in terms of how much she loves me, she will change, she cannot live without me, me abandoning her have inflicted severe emotional pain on her and her family as well. Constantly texting in terms of she is not able to sleep properly and eat properly and her family is also falling sick because of me abandoning her. I have not been responding to any of the texts - even though it has been excruciatingly painful to see her suffer.

I moved out of the house after separation and after ensuring that she is safe with her family and she does not know where I reside so far. We don't have kids - so it is possible to go no contact after Divorce but Divorce is going to be huge battle - since she wants to live with me.

We are planning to meet with therapist for decoupling to discuss on how to process the assets we own together. She has been insisting on meeting in person - I don't feel emotionally safe to meet in person - as she will start questioning blaming and pleading to give her another chance. Last thing which I want to do is get sucked into the relationship and die on the inside every day. I have also developed a lot of health issues because of this relationship - for 2 years I went into a depression and had to pull myself out of it - with all the abuse and struggle which was happening in the relationship.

She has hurt herself physically multiple times, threatened suicide multiple times (sometimes while I am driving, she will say she wants to jump out of the car) - every thing is blamed on me. Unfortunately she not able to even see, how her actions are affecting me.  How did you all cope up with this phase where they beg and pled to get you back. I know very well that nothing will change and I will be forced to be available to her at the cost of my soul.

Oh, my.  I do recall my ex's threats to jump out of our car and run across the interstate, and so much more.  Fortunately, that's in the past.

BPD is a disorder most impacting to close relationships.  People on the periphery of your lives may notice something 'off' but is not a huge issue for them due to the distance and not emotionally invested.

Five years of marriage and things have not improved.  Trying again (with no substantive changes due to therapy and gained insight) is unlikely to succeed.  One problem is that despite her insistence and tears, her emotional baggage of the past relationship prevents her from truly listening to you.  Perhaps if she started meaningful therapy and applied it in her life she might improve... but would she start it and stick with it for years?  Even then, there's no assurance of success.

Without children complicating the decisions, a divorce is mostly about financial matters, splitting assets, debts and possessions.

We've been there, done that.  We are here to share our hard-won  collective wisdom and practical time-tested strategies, we know what generally works and what generally doesn't.

Have you read William Eddy's Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?  It is an inexpensive book written for your situation, not to be shared with your ex.  You want to avoid sharing TMI and enabling her to sabotage you.