BPDFamily.com

I had a mindset change this week and I am not sure what to do with it. My wife is mean a lot of the time and I never understood why but I am thinking I am starting to. This lets me not take it so personally but only took me 6 years. Things I have not been doing. She did DBT 5 years ago and it is slowly going away

1) I did not realize she regulated her emotions off of mine, so I need to be happy when I first see her.
2) Encourage healthy friendships
3) Invite healthy family over even if I do not like them
3) She is very successful, but her job is eating her alive. Not the job but the people at the job.
4) The house is cluttered, and I do not have time to clean it(I need to make time)

What I am seeing
1) She is Complaining more
2) ignores me(Her person)
3) She is getting physical symptoms weight gain, pain in legs, back, hands
4) Her depression is off the hook....I know it is not typical depression
5) She is not happy and short with everyone.
6) I cannot suggest things but only do things myself and maybe she starts them to.

My priority I think is to make a happy home at any cost, help her meet good friends, and helping her get a people friendly job. Any suggestions besides self-care? I feel codepended like you cannot believe but I think I signed up for this.

Good to hear you're working on your mindset and practicing not taking things so personally. Not easy stuff -- definitely a step in the right direction.

How old is your wife? I'm curious if there may be some biological stuff going on right now, in addition to everything else.


What outcome(s) would you be hoping for, after doing those things?

Do you think those actions would be supporting, enabling, both, neither, or something else? Our workshop on "Are You Supporting or Enabling?" (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95263.0) may help shine some light on the distinction. When you have a chance, take a look at it -- I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on how it relates to your situation.

She is 33 and I am curious to hear what you think about this. I will read the part you suggested thank you!!!! Then I will retype it out on here.