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My daughter (mid 30’s/f) “Jennifer” and I have been NC for four years. That is to say, she’s reached out periodically over the past four years and always abusively and I don’t respond. Recently I noticed it had been almost a year since she contacted me directly and I figured she got bored with my lack of response and found either new or renewed targets. All while knowing that she may still reach out to me/us because that’s how she is. I figured out this morning she sent me an email a week or so ago to the one email address I still allow her to contact me at that she’s aware I don’t check often.

Her email just wanted to know my “status” and suggested we set our differences aside (!!) and work on our relationship. No apology, not in therapy, and the beginning shreds of starting to project onto me again. I have not responded.

Our “differences” as she calls them consist of using us for several thousand dollars, purposely ruining the motor of my husband’s car for revenge about him being angry with her, asking my parent for loans she refused to repay, and refusing to let us see our grandkids the last four years because I wouldn’t cosign a 25K loan. Shortly thereafter I had to freeze my credit with all three major bureaus (US) because she had a job at that time where she could run credit for loans (similar to the finance person at a car lot) and some strange alerts popped up with Experian. I’ll out myself as  a sucker here for letting her back in years ago but back in 2016 she and her then husband assaulted us on a boat and we were stuck with them the rest of the day as they refused to take us back to the dock that was miles away, in general (not just the boat thing) we  stuck around for the grandkids but ultimately I finally had my eyes wide open to her abuse and walked away.

I’ve been to therapy and over the last four years things have improved for me/us greatly despite missing the grandkids. Now Jennifer has sent me this email that isn’t abusive indicating we should set our “minor differences” aside which I don’t plan to do. If she told me the sky were blue I would run outside and check…I don’t trust her at all.

I have no interest in reconciling with her and I think this is a trap, a charm, that if I fell for it things would only get worse. I do feel slightly guilty (no idea why) but common sense rules my mind more than any misplaced guilt. These days anyway.

Would explaining to her just be JADEing and is it better to just remain NC?

I don’t know why it says charm near the end of my post above but I meant something similar to a trap.