BPDFamily.com

I made the mistake of reaching out to my suspected bpd ex (she suspected it herself at one point but her therapist wouldn't engage on it so she stopped pursuing the idea) after three months. I told her I missed her and all I got was cold and cruel replies. She says she didn't love me anymore and had to confront it and said we will never be close again, that time away made her see how bad it was, that we were bad for eachother and that we couldnt be friends because we wouldnt have healthy boundaries. My heart is broken all over again because I feel the complete opposite. I learned I'm likely bipolar and have been taking steps to improve and deal with it, secretly hoping if I got better things could be ok again. I don't know what to do now. I definitely don't know why it's called closure because that's the furthest description to what I'm feeling. I can't comprehend falling out of love because I never have and I just can't wrap my head around what went wrong or how I didn't see it coming. Does anyone have a similar experience? How do you get through something like this

by grieving it, with the support of people that have been there, too.

your grief is compounded here. you put your heart on the line when you reached out, and she threw it back at you. there is no easy way to live through that. it hurts.


its a double whammy because you had a lot of hope and investment in reconciliation. youve had your hope stepped on, and it feels like all that self improvement was for nought.

it isnt, of course. but i get that it can feel that way. i spent three months or so "doing what i needed to do", with that same hope. when that hope died, things changed. i started to really, truly grieve the relationship for the first time. it was devastating when it happened, but looking back, it was actually the marker of when things actually began to get better.

do that. mourn your loss.

your growth, and the steps youve taken, arent wasted. what may have been motivated you may not be available anymore, and that hurts. slowly but surely (after a bad breakup, and one that cuts at our self esteem, it doesnt come naturally) you let yourself motivate you. you let new relationships (of all kinds) motivate you.

as for the hurtful things she said? spend time around the people that love you. its good to regain a sense that, in spite of what an ex says, "hey, im all right".

Thank you