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Few days ago, I reached a point where the pain became unbearable. I felt lost, invisible, and like I couldn't carry the weight of it all anymore. I attempted suicide. I never spoke about my darkest thoughts with my ex-partner because I knew it was a sensitive topic for him, and I didn't want to burden him. But when it all became too much, l acted on my feelings.
He witnessed it and immediately took me to the hospital, but what followed was something I never expected.
After everything that happened, he left me. He was traumatized by what he saw, and despite me telling him I needed him more than ever, he avoided me. Instead of staying with me, he turned to his friends and used drugs to numb his feelings. It was heartbreaking, and it only deepened the pain I was already feeling. I want to share this because it's so hard to talk about, but I need to be open about my struggles. I'm reaching out for support because I'm still processing everything, and I don't know how to move forward from here. If anyone has been through something similar or just has advice, l'd really appreciate hearing from you.

Hi Teeen and a warm *welcome*

Things must have seemed hopeless and overwhelming a few days ago, when you attempted suicide. That's a really difficult place to be in, and I wonder if you also felt lonely or isolated, as you felt like you didn't want to share with your partner.
It's an added blow to experience your partner turning away from you when you're at your lowest. It hurts at a core level, and I'm sorry you experienced that, when all you wanted was support and understanding.

Can I ask, are you still in the hospital, or have you been discharged? What kind of support did you get in the hospital, and is there a plan for moving forward (outpatient therapy, group therapy, counseling...)?

So many people here understand what it's like to be in a really, really dark place, and to wish for support from a BPD partner and not receive it. You're not alone, and we're listening.

kells76

Hey Teeen, I would like to welcome you to the fam.  :hi: and to also say hey we are here and we are listening and we do care.  :hug:

Most importantly I want to say I can only imagine the emotions you feel right now. Here a lot of members may be able to relate. We definitely do understand hardship here and we will support you through your very trying times. Always keep in mind...YOU MATTER. You are valued. You may not agree with those statements right now, but trust me on that. How you feel right now hurts, it sucks, but the best news...it will only be temporary and you are going to get through it. It is not forever.

Please continue to engage with us here and ask as many questions as you need to and share as much as you are comfortable with.

Please be kind to you and please take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-