BPDFamily.com

Hey guys,

I made a post here the other day detailing how my ex returned and we both expressed that we missed each other and we regret losing each other in the past. It had been 3 years since we talked and I was glad she was back in my life. However out of nowhere this morning she blocked me and I've been really torn up. Does anyone have any idea why she would come back, express how she misses me, says she regrets losing me, tells me she still finds me attractive and then still blocks me out of nowhere. My heart is hurting really bad at the moment and the worst part is I know I could have prevented it from happening

Trying to figure out why someone who is inconsistent does something inconsistently is a trail of What The F***ery? you should never follow. Why? Because the end result is how you feel right now. It is okay to have feelings and to still care, but do so from a distance and protect yourself.

The harsh part to this is that your ex probably did it because she can and it was purely an ego buffer. Yes, hurtful I know, but this is so much more common than I think you realize.

Regardless, my friend please do not go down this rabbit hole of trying to understand this behavior. It is a fool's errand. You are genuine and your feelings are real and that is what matters. Focus on you and now strive to put this chapter to an end. Dwelling on it further will just bring you pain and prevent you from moving forward.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

You should have blocked her. Couldn't have came back if there wasn't an opportunity. No?

3 years is a very long time. And I understand.  I'm only guessing,  but I feel like she moved on completely, with possibly,  a few other people, and you never moved on waiting for her to come back?

I'm guessing she just got out of a relationship,  and knew how much you cared for her, loved her and were so genuine.  You know you loved her.

Your level of love was real. She knew it. Left, and at some point kept hitting a wall... no one is like him. 

This is a game. This is manipulation.  This is her feeding her own ego after some unknown emotional break.

This is you,  relying on strangers to verify what you already know. It's not ok. It hurts.

I dont know you, but...I know this makes no sense. "You're attractive "...blocked? I'm shaking my head and licking my lip upset.

If she cared she'd, call, send a letter, show up at your work...all sound crazy, but if done with true sane efforts, that might be ok. Like, actually prove to you that she's all in,  and continue to show that...forever?

She came back because she could come back, because you left that door open. Have one door. Have one point of emotional entry.
 

Wow. Yes. I'm afraid you read me like a book. I've gone on dates and had one off flings but I haven't been able to commit myself to anyone else since while she has had others. She had recently gotten arrested with a myriad of drug charges over the summer and claimed she had relapsed but is going to a program when she made contact with me again. Your words resonate me and I know you're correct, it's just much harder. For some reason I would say this feels worse than when we had originally broken up, probably because that was 3 years ago and it is a long time.

You're dealing with someone who had a profound personality disorder and mental illness. At best, you'll likely find patterns rather than explanations. With BPD (or anxiety or CPTSD), she is reacting almost entirely emotionally to experiences that others with more control and normalcy would react to with a mix of emotions and intellect. So, something quite simple could have spooked her in a way that is both highly irrational and beyond the pale.

But let's say that she isn't quite as messed up as that and instead is merely selfish and narcissistic (a lot of people with BPD are comorbid with other issues). Then the reason she contacted you is she needed either an ego boost or to see if she still could control you in some way. Once she got an answer, she no longer needed you. So, she then blocked you.

I don't mean to sound harsh. None of that is a reflection on you. It's a reflection of the disturbed nature of such people, and it should serve as a warning to you or anyone else not to get involved with them. So, you might take her blocking you as a blessing. You might block her back to make sure, as well.