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Ten yrs since I been on here and I had recovered,,it’s been 20 yrs now since we split and I  moved to another country .well a mate back in u.k sent me a link to an older home made porn vid asking is tjis your ex with a

If you think of the events of what happened to you and look at it through the prism of PTSD than reconciling that even if it was 20 years ago doesn't matter...the trauma doesn't disappear. The trigger can happen any time. However, even if you do get triggered that doesn't mean it has to control you. How you respond to it is what you can control. What you cannot control is the triggering itself. That is perhaps the easiest way to break it down.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Cheers ..never thought it would have that after 20 yrs it’s crazy ...it got me ruminating again to so pissssssssed off at the moment..

Any advice on hoe to control it

well, whats on your mind?

Curious -- is it seeing your ex again or is it seeing your ex again in a sexual way that is triggering?

I ask because they may not be the same thing nor cause the same effect. Merely seeing a pic of an ex may not elicit much of anything. But seeing someone sexually, not to mention an ex, invites potentially complex feelings.

If it's merely sexual, you may not be triggered so much as feeling something else.

Dunno but it made me angry because I think we were together Ar th3 time I think tjis is when sh3 was ,,going to stay at her brothers for the weekend ,,like cheating s one thing but filming it ? Their had to be someone on th3 camera I mean wtf..tjis was a 49 yr old woman at th3 time mind with a kid ...I w# shocked tbh

Yeah, there's a lot to untangle there. Some of it sounds like a sense of betrayal. Some of it sounds like it could be sexual shock or jealousy. And all of that is legitimate, but you'd need to sort it out.

Never heard of sexual shock ,,and what do you mean by ,sort it out ,..

So there is no one size fits all. I would recommend of course removing yourself from anything that makes you think of her.

If you work out and enjoy it...make it more of a focus. Listen to music. Those are some basics. However, something I would recommend is to find something novel and unique that you are interested in and then throw yourself into it so that way your mind becomes engaged and locked on that. Replace what is bothering you (a negative) with something constructive and positive. You have to make yourself productive some way, some how.

In the moments when things do hit you practice self talk and saying to yourself that she does not control me and these feelings do not control me. Take a step back, take a deep breath, maybe go grab some water or something to drink. Also, call someone you trust and feel comfortable with and talk with them about it and don't be afraid to be vulnerable about it. Let others in to help you talk yourself through it and out of it.

You have to get comfortable with being aware of your own feelings in the moment. In that moment you have a choice to let whatever you are feeling control you or you can choose a different path. Make sense?

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Thanks .sc..I been recovering from long covid I had lost my memories for 12 months due to brain fog.that has lifted in the past month but I been getting flash backs so high anxiety the timing of a mate sending m3 that is bizzare to say th3 least

The shock of learning something about an ex sexually that  you did not know before.

And by sort it out, I'd recommend getting to a therapist. You seem to have a lot on your plate.

Do you think I should contact her about this film ?