BPDFamily.com

Here's the basics:
My partner has BPD. It started 18 months ago (6 months into our relationship) where the arguments got more and more intense. Then he told me he was depressed and wanted to die. He tried several medications and therapy but it didn't help. Then he was diagnosed with BPD and upon researching am relieved to find a diagnosis that fits perfectly.
My partner has since run off to kill himself over 60 times (3 overdoses where I called ambulance only to be told in hospital that he is fine) - every single time he'll txt me and abuse me and make it all my fault then say he's worthless and everyone would be better off, then back to the abuse again. Every time he ends up coming home.
He's constantly verbally abusive he calls me names, stops me from seeing friends, is  paranoid and insecure, and everything he's told me he wants me to do to help him in those moments don't help. I'm damned if I do, damned if i don't. If I disengage him when he's abusing me he gets even more intense and screams and throws things or hold a knife to his wrist - (once infront of 6 year old) then collapses and starts crying for my help.
He's even yelled at my 6 year old that she's a ___ and he's going to kill himself.
Its caused so much stress as this started after I got pregnant and my daughter is now 6 months. I'm always emotionally exhausted and drained and have had to start taking anti anxiety medication.
These past 5 weeks he's spiralled down. He hasn't been eating, has been ignoring the kids and just going to bed straight after work, if I don't go up and stay with him in bed I get abused but if I do I get told to go away. He's started being mean and nasty all the time instead of just during episodes. He's mean 90% of the time lately. I'm constantly being told I don't care when I actually do. I just need to keep myself sane and be the best mum i can be.
He txts me all day every day about killing himself and every day says he won't be coming home. I've run out if things to say or ways to help... I'm just exhausted. He's been running off to 'kill himself' and taking pills every 2 or 3 days. I think he should be committed but he's the one earning the money and me and my kids would be stuck with nothing  I don't know what to do.

Hello 

You really have a lot going on for you, it sounds incredibly distressing.
Is your partner linked in with a mental health team/nurse, if they are could you have a chat with them about your concerns?

Here in the UK Having someone committed is difficult, having someone committed with BPD can be even harder because of the way the illness manifests itself. How is your partner managing at work, are any of his work colleagues aware of how is feeling?

You are right, your priorities are you and your children and keeping you all safe whilst minimising their exposure to his dysregulated behaviour. Do you have any family who your children could stay with whilst you work out what to do, and also so that they are not exposed to his dysregulated behaviours?
Is your family doctor aware of how unwell your husband is, could you discuss the situation with them?

It definitely sounds like your husband needs some professional help he is clearly suffering a great deal at the moment.
I understand that he is earning the money, but stabilising his mental state will be important to his longer term well-being and ability to stay working.

What are your options, have you been in a position whereby you have had your partner hospitalised before?

There is some hope with therapy he may get better (not cured - but maybe 25% less bad stuff), and there is very large chance he will remain the same.

So you have to ask: if he stays the same, is this the life you want for you and your children?

If the answer is no, then you need to leave. I understand you say that you and the kids "have nothing", but to me, staying is worse than leaving. If you make the choice to leave, i am sure opportunities will find you.