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It's just another down day. I'm feeling like a loser.

I'm just imagining that she's smiling happy somewhere. While I'm crying still. Pathetic. Is my absence in her life a huge benefit to her?

Is she actually getting up on time now?
Energetic?
Does she cook food since I'm not there to do it?
Exercising more, eating healthier.
Is her depression subsiding?

In essence was me leaving some catalyst to make her snap out of things and be a better person? Maybe I was that bad and she's out of the hell that was being my partner.

Everyone including my therapist continues to tell me I wasn't the main issue as she'd say. That I'm not a bad person.

Hi again Me88;


What's it like for you to sit with that -- you feel like a loser, and you hear others say you're not a bad person/not the issue?

Feels like two different things at the same time, maybe. How are you navigating that right now?

realistically, no. people are different, with different partners, and ideally, we all "do a little better each time", but its not as though its been very long, has it? people dont change that dramatically from relationship to relationship.

its easy though, to have that picture when youre hurting from a breakup and your self esteem is crashing. i know the feeling. i felt small, and i put her on a pedestal for a while.

it may help to remind yourself of those things you wanted her to snap out of. whether she changes them or not, or whether theyre things that are more compatible with someone else or not, they were a part of your relationship. those things, in every breakup, are the easiest part to let go of. not our problem anymore  :)


the main issue isnt either one of you; the main issue is the issues between you. no doubt she was difficult, and brought unique obstacles to the relationship, but you (anyone) cant really reach a good, full understanding of how the relationship broke down, and learn from it, by giving or taking all the blame. relationships, and breakups, are complex. if she walks away with a different lesson, shes not likely to be a better partner.

it may not feel like it now. but youre both better off, both for having known each other in the time that you did, and also for breaking up when you did. thats the thing i always hated about relationships: they have an expiration date. we all get every last one of them wrong but the very last, if we even get that right.

It's awful.  They are two different things.  I totally remember all of the awful things she said and did. I remember being punched in the chest. Having the cops called on me for asking her to leave. The screaming, cursing, kicking things, slamming doors.  It's all very fresh in my mind. 

I know that I yelled back a few times. Cursed back a couple to prove a point. Said mean things too. So I feel like shiit.

In my soul, I know I'm not a mad, angry person who is rude. Ive never acted like that before with a partner. I hate it. My friends and family know me. I'm a good person overall, with faults yes. I dont have conflict.  I dont argue or fight with my friends or family. Ever.

It was all just so surprising and strange. Like I've said before, to her, "this can't be real. This is the twilight zone." The situations made zero sense. The reactions were insane. Literally fighting for 6 hrs once. I told her I needed a timeout,  my brain was done,  "you win", I have no idea what we're even talking about anymore.