BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

Discarded 7 months ago need advice
Hi everyone,
I need advice from those of you in this community that have been discarded split black and then recycled after an extended period of time. I’ve done a search there’s a thread and I found some messages from members back in the mid 2000 to 2015 so after the initial split black, I backed off and then with the advice that I found in this forum from years ago I did light contact. I would send an email, Every once in a while into the ether because I was blocked on everything saying that I was thinking about her,  I loved her dearl, and that I would always be here for her. Well, after going to therapy for sometime, I was told that was the wrong way to go and that I should go total N.  in that. It makes the person suffering from borderline. feel that you’re always available and are weak.

I have not heard a peep from her since August we split at the end of June. She literally disappeared off the face of the Earth and she lives literally five minutes away from me. We’ve been together for over three years and the day she split on me with the day before her birthday And because I wasn’t with her the night before she told me she needed to protect herself left my house blocked and ghosted me.

Should I go complete no contact now I have been dating, but I still would love to have contact with her and maybe either have closure or try to go through a recycle to be honest. Let me know any advice please.

do i have the details right:

1. you were together for three years
2. she broke up with you because you werent with her the night before her birthday
3. she blocked you on all avenues
4. you havent spoken since, in 7 months

is that correct?

Once Removed

Exactly! Poof 

Hi GoodVibes, our situations sound remarkably similar though for me it’s been over two years since the discard. How time flies. Split the blackest black and blocked on everything, I think except for email. Sent way too many groveling emails at the beginning, turning eventually more into “I’m here for you” emails, none of which got a response. Except for one very confusing text from her about a year after our breakup (I couldn’t text back because I was still blocked) it’s been total silence and a total icing out. She’s also “disappeared off the face of the earth” as you describe, having gone very silent on social media since our breakup two years ago.

I have no answers for you but I sympathize and relate. Every day I hope to see that text.

you generally shouldnt contact someone who has taken the steps of blocking you, or otherwise not responded. that doesnt really have anything to do with bpd - its a sign that someone has put up walls to keep from contact - pursuing them just looks like trying to climb over those walls, making that person feel the need to build even higher walls. when you feel cornered, you either look for somewhere to run, or you come out swinging.

contacting her, or not contacting her - there is no effective way to make someone communicate with us if they dont want to.

it sounds like this was a bad breakup that left you with a lot of questions. its understandable that it would leave you wanting answers, or to have her in your life in some capacity. i dont think anyone likes being blocked.

unfortunately, that all depends on her being receptive, and she doesnt appear to be.

could that change? it could. but probably not as a result of anything you do or dont do. she would have to want it, and ex usually doesnt have a lot of incentive to do that - the old relationship is baggage, and theyve either moved on, or are trying to.

shes also probably not in any place to give you answers or the sort of closure youre seeking - by the time an ex becomes an ex, both people are on two very different pages. yours and her perception probably would not just not line up, but be very different. the kind of conversation where two exes validate each other and walk away feeling better from the exchange is a pretty rare exception to the rule.

the two of you were together for 3 years. she may have been upset at you for not being with her the night before her birthday, and it may have pushed things over the edge, but its a virtual guarantee that it wasnt out of nowhere, and that it wasnt the first time she had considered it. does anything about that add up to you? was anything going on that you were aware of leading up to the breakup?