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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: Itsmemrg on January 28, 2025, 04:56:18 AM



Title: Bpd girlfriend broke up with me trying to reconcile
Post by: Itsmemrg on January 28, 2025, 04:56:18 AM
Hey my bpd girlfriend of a year recently broke up with me.. however she still has us listed as in a relationship on Facebook she originally wanted a "break" but I didn't respond to the ghosting well. She broke up with me over the phone what can I do to get my relationship back? I've been going through a lot of stress but I believe we could work through this she's a great girl


Title: Re: Bpd girlfriend broke up with me trying to reconcile
Post by: kells76 on January 28, 2025, 09:15:19 AM
Hi Itsmemrg and *welcome*

Hey my bpd girlfriend of a year recently broke up with me.. however she still has us listed as in a relationship on Facebook she originally wanted a "break"

how long ago was the breakup? what was it about? am I tracking with you that she initiated it by wanting a break?

I didn't respond to the ghosting well.

how did you respond?

...

There's a way in which BPD relationships are no different from non-BPD relationships, analogous to how in some ways, driving a racecar is no different from driving to work. The difference -- in this analogy --  isn't in what you do, necessarily, but in how skilled you are at doing the same thing, and how intense and high-stakes the situation is.

In both situations, you need to keep your hands on the wheel, not under or over steer, check your blind spots, etc -- it's just that you have more room for error when your commuting to work, vs driving at high speeds on a racetrack.

(Obviously, there are differences, so the analogy isn't for every aspect of having effective interactions with pwBPD.)

Working on improving your communication -- not just what you say, but how you say it and how you do the relationship-- will likely be important if you want the relationship to have a chance.

Probably the biggest thing non-BPD persons do where there just isn't "room for error" is accidentally invalidate their partners.

Take a look at our workshop on "stop invalidating others" (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=81442.0) when you have a chance... anything in there stand out to you, or sound like what was going on between you two?


Title: Re: Bpd girlfriend broke up with me trying to reconcile
Post by: Itsmemrg on January 29, 2025, 02:42:28 PM
It's been 4 days since breakup she originally asked for space three days prior to thtat.I texted her in-between trying to investigate what I had done wrong our communication has been lacking lately.


Title: Re: Bpd girlfriend broke up with me trying to reconcile
Post by: Itsmemrg on January 29, 2025, 05:55:52 PM
It's been 4 days since breakup she originally asked for space three days prior to thtat.I texted her in-between trying to investigate what I had done wrong our communication has been lacking lately.