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Title: Venting Post by: Polo879 on February 03, 2025, 05:09:53 AM My wife has gone to her bedroom and is giving me the silent treatment. It is unfortunately a common occurrence. We had a really nice day, yesterday. The weather was great, so we went out for lunch and had a nice walk afterwards. We then went home and enjoyed the rest of the day, watched some TV and retired for the night.
This morning, I get up, say a friendly good morning but I could tell something was off. As feared, as I was getting out of the shower, I was confronted with a question about had I not noticed the hand towel hung on the sink ? I said yes and that I had folded it and put it back. That wasn't the problem. Problem was that I hadn't wiped and dried out the sink (the sink is well rinsed so this is to dry and shine the sink). I remained calm and said that moving forward I would always wipe out the sink and not just the surrounding surfaces. Next thing the coffee machine needed emptying and cleaning. My wife shows me a toothbrush for cleaning the tray and getting all the "goo" out. I said that next time I was cleaning it I would be sure to use the toothbrush and get the goo out. My wife responds with a thank-you but then follows-up with a "well, we can always just get rid of the coffee machine". I feel this has hit a boundary, so I calmly say, that was an unnecessary added comment .. and hey presto, off to her bedroom. A while later I make some breakfast and kindly ask her if she would like some. I get a sulky "no". That was 3 hours ago ... I am sitting with my pain and rather than getting into a long discussion with her until she is sure that I am contrite, I thought I would use the time to do some more research and self-help of living with a BPD person (she is not diagnosed but checks many of the boxes). As the title suggests this is more of a vent that anything else ... Title: Re: Venting Post by: kells76 on February 03, 2025, 05:22:13 PM These are hard relationships. There can be good times, yes, and then the hard times are pretty difficult -- not only physically or in terms of energy, but emotionally it can wound, and the wounds can be hard to get over.
The whiplash can also be difficult. Like you're saying, one day can be pretty good, then overnight, everything changes... but for how long, hard to know. I'm curious, for background, how long have the two of you been married? Has this pattern been going on for a while, or did it start recently? And do you have any kids? ... I thought I would use the time to do some more research and self-help of living with a BPD person (she is not diagnosed but checks many of the boxes). Makes sense that even if she's not diagnosed, the traits and behaviors are what's challenging, not the label or lack thereof. My husband's kids' mom has many traits but no diagnosis (that I've heard of), and the fact that she isn't diagnosed doesn't make interactions easier. What resources have you found in your research so far? We do have a book review section (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=33.0) that has a lot of reputable titles -- worth a look. In terms of other support/resources, do either you or your W have a counselor/therapist? ... Feel free to share more... we'll be here. kells76 |