BPDFamily.com

Hello,
I (20m) have been dating pwBPD gf for 2 weeks. though a very short time, it was already quite intense and i loved her a lot. she tried to discard me, saying im too good for her and such, but we talked it through. 2 days ago she was acting really weird, as if we are no longer a couple. She than suggested to meet up, which i happily agreed to. When i woke up the next day she blocked me everywhere without warning.
Is there anything to do now? :help:

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm sorry you're going through this and it's a really tough situation.

A two week BPD relationship is very hard for someone on the outside looking in to second-guess, because she could have so many different motivations for blocking you.  Maybe she rekindled a past relationship, maybe she's just super unstable right now and needs space, or maybe there's an unseen crisis that she's hiding.  It could be a thousand different things.

The best thing to do at this point is to wait things out, let her settle over whatever happened and she'll probably reach out to you.  Maybe the blocking was impulsive, maybe not, but you must give it a little time and see how it plays out.  If you chase her too much, she's going to run.

Thank you a lot. I'd think she is just very unstable, as she was acting pretty weird the last 2 days saying she isnt good enough for me and so on, but regardless it just hurts a lot.

I also agree with waiting for a while - 2 weeks isn't really long enough to see any patterns appearing and if they do, then this is the time to start thinking about BPD because they will be very predictable patterns, as I'm sure you've seen if you've read the many posts on here and how we all experience the same things.

There may be other things going on in her life and she's taking any frustration out on you even though you've done nothing wrong, or it may be insecurity if she realises she's met someone nice and genuine.

The first time my ex walked into the pub and just ignored me and walked past, I put down to her insecurity (plus I'd never heard of BPD then anyway) so I made allowances.. but when her actions increased and the patterns started emerging, I knew it was something more serious.

Give her some time and see what happens; if you try to push a BPD they just switch off even more.  Best wishes.

BPDs carry a lot of shame and doubt due to a fractured self-image.  When they're stable, that part of them remains hidden for the most part.  But once they become unstable from literally anything, then it becomes more apparent as they search for answers on why their world is spiraling.  And unfortunately, once they start spiraling, they can continue to do so for quite some time.

Just know that whatever happened, its probably not your fault because you couldn't have possibly known what she's dealing with.  The line you got, a variation of "You're too good for me..." is so very common in this community because she's doubting herself and somehow blaming you at the same time.  It's disordered thinking and it's very sad.

In a way though, she's correct...you'll never understand the roller coaster of emotions that she goes through on a weekly basis.  None of us fully will because we don't have mental illness and we rely on logic to get past tough moments.  That's ultimately why she ran; it's easier to ghost you than to face the reality of talking about her dysfunction.

Keep your head up though and hopefully she circles back around to you.  As Under mentioned, BPDs tend to run in cycles and there will likely be future conversations.  Maybe you rekindle, maybe not.  I'm just trying to help you understand what happened and what to expect.

update:
she reached out to me: she had a mental breakdown and is hospitalized at home. She will be getting DBT treatment soon. She said she likes me but wants to "stay friends" for a while until she feels better. Should i take this seriousely or is she just gonna forget about me as a partner now

There's several huge positives in those few sentences:

1) She reached out
2) She realized the need for help (hence the breakdown)
3) She wants to go through treatment
4) She values your friendship

Hopefully she does get treatment and gets better, that's the #1 goal here for any BPD.  So I'd take her request for friendship very seriously since she's trying to let you in on her world and what she's facing.  Otherwise, there's no way she'd tell you that stuff....zero chance.

Does that mean a relationship will resume?  Honestly, that depends more on you than her.  Can you support her through this?  Can you make her feel safe in a friendship?  Can you wait for a little while if that's what it takes for her to get her life in order?

These are important questions.  If your answer to any of them is "no", then there's no sense in pursuing a relationship with her any further since she NEEDS each of those things.  Getting back together under any other circumstance will eventually blow up and be worse than last time.

If your answer to the three questions is "yes", then things could progress quickly once she feels validated.  But you're really going to have to do your homework on this site and learn to validate her feelings and emotions.  That means a lot of work for you just to have a chance of this working out long term.  Only you can decide if it's actually worth it or not though.

So yeah, if you want a real second chance- it sounds like it will be there for the taking eventually.  It's going to be a bumpy road though getting there.

Update: She is acting very weirdly. Talks to me on whatsapp but hasnt added me as a contact. Follows on instagram but am still blocked on discord. She seems to be flirting with random overseas strangers on discord. In general i feel like im being discarded again, though she occasionally is nice and flirtatious. Maybe set up a meeting and talk about it, or just forget about it all? Am very depressed rn

i write to her and she responds with small short answers, i feel as if im being forgotten, wonder if there is new supply

What do you write to her about?

Going back to your intro:


Tell me a little more about the leadup to, and the start of, your relationship.

How did the two of you meet? How long did you know each other before beginning the relationship? And did you two ever have a "relationship defining" conversation, or some kind of agreement that "yes we're a couple", or "yes let's be monogamous"...? (i.e., people can "go on dates with" each other without explicitly establishing the relationship as a "dating" relationship, if that makes sense.)

I typically ask her if she is doing ok, i now realize that probably looks really boring to her, i tried to spice it up a bit talking about some things going on in my life, i feel as if im boring her...
We met up on a dating site, and id say we did have that moment, as we agreed to be a couple id say

Just a couple more questions to understand the situation better...

How frequently do you reach out?

What have your previous romantic relationships  been like?

And can you remind me -- did she tell you she has BPD?

...

I'm sorry it's so difficult for you right now... you must have had a lot of hope that early in the relationship, that it would be a really good thing.

A. I try to reach out at least once or twice a day..
B. She did from the start
C. Am rather unexperienced romantically id say, had only one relationship before that. Was so-so, the girl loved me but i didnt really like her, but id say it was good overall.
Thank you for the kind words

UPDATE: now it seems we are on good terms again and she seems to regain an interest in me. This is all overwhelming but i try to cope, as i love her.