BPDFamily.com

I thought I was a very loving mother, who focused on maybe too much on the school work and education. I was a nag and protective.I didn't regulate my moods well and was anxious a lot.  Now, my 32 year old has gone no contact with me and  told me not to call or text. When they are struggling, they send me texts in the middle of the night. Blaming me for everything that I ever did...and I made some mistakes. I have apologized before, but not to their satisfaction. Their texts scare me and I think that is intentional. They do make me worry. How would you respond to middle of the night alarming texts. I can tell in that moment they feel "alone". It is so heartbreaking for me, but I know if I respond they will only spiral in their anger. I used to run to them for any upset they had, but since they have gone no contact, I try to respect that.

My heart hurts for you!  Similar to your story, I feel that I was a very good mother (not perfect) (looking back, I feel guilty for not seeing signs....) my daughter, pwBPD cut me, her father, her sister (though, she always wishes her a Happy Birthday) and her beautiful nieces AND her dog (that I have become responsible for); it will be 3 years on 5/24/26; like you, she reaches out ONLY if she needs something (i.e. her insurance card); I read that having a child with BPD is a slow mourning, because one mourns what could have been; I text my daughter ONE time a month, mail cards for every holiday and leave Xmas gifts at my mothers (one of the only 2 people she will associate with); every time, I just feel sad and HOLLOW; I don't have any advice, only to say, it is a very sad situation and you have my sympathy; feel free to reach out, if you like

If someone feels alone, how should we respond?  Focus on that and you'll find your answer, you know your kid much better than we do.

A big part is actually listening as well, that shows empathy and compassion.  But if the call is a blame-fest, you can also consider hanging up or informing her that you'll call her back in the morning once you had some time to think about it.

Your daughter abuses you because you allow her to- that's what it ultimately comes down to.  She's mentally ill and can't accept that, so it's always someone else's fault.  When she's disordered, there's no telling what she might say and you have to cut her off at some point; it's not healthy for either one of you. 

She needs to learn that mom is an ally and you don't attack allies; somehow she never learned that lesson since it's so common with BPDs.