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Title: Compulsive Spending Post by: Sammy Jo on April 29, 2025, 09:35:55 AM Hi,
My BPD DD is 22, and her obsessive compulsion is spending. We have coached, counseled, begged, and pleaded with her. Since she was a little girl, this has been the same. She has never been able to keep a dollar in her wallet. Sometimes I try to talk her out of driving 2.5 hours to go to a root beer restaurant - true story. I worry about her future. We are 57 and 60, and not going to be around forever. She is working at fast food restaurants and making a pittance now and cannot afford to pay for everything she needs, i.e., high car insurance due to a terrible driving record. We wrote up a budget for her, and she still calls me daily with questions regarding buying things. She just called me on speakerphone in Walmart about buying something that I said no to -- I did not know that I was on speakerphone, and a random stranger gave her $10 for it after I said no. We help her with little things that are outside her paychecks, but of course, she takes every advantage she can. Any advice? Title: Re: Compulsive Spending Post by: Pook075 on April 29, 2025, 07:51:12 PM Yup, stop paying for her car insurance. Stop sending her extra spending money. Calling you on speakerphone is maybe okay though if strangers are giving her $10.
I went through the same thing with my 26 year old BPD daughter, and I didn't think I'd ever stop paying for her cell phone, car insurance, etc. Like your kid, mine had lots of accidents and tickets...and I was paying the price for that. So I lied to her and said that since she didn't live at home anymore, my car insurance company was removing her from the policy (the truth was that I asked my insurance agent at Geico the question, already knowing they'd cancel her car policy). My kid freaked out, but within a few hours she purchased car insurance on her own. How? I have no idea, because like your kid she never had any money. But that's not the point here; when she had to do it or stop driving, she found a way on her own. And that forced her to start budgeting for her bills. You see, you're doing this backwards- you want her to be responsible, then you'll stop helping her. But she'll never be responsible because you're helping her. Maybe she needs a higher paying job, or maybe she needs to budget better. But why would she do either of those things when you're always making sure she has everything she needs? I hope that helps! |