BPDFamily.com

I've felt SO much better after my break up last year.

I'm *basically* entirely over it.

I realised something recently: time and distance isn't the only thing needed to move on, it's also proper conceptualisation - I really had to see the facts of the relationship to know that I absolutely didn't want that.

I was at a wedding in my ex's state yesterday - it's a way more religious state than my own, which some people would hate - but I'm a Christian so I guess I feel more at home with it.

There's a lot of good looking Christian girls around who aren't with anyone yet and I met a couple at the wedding...

I came away feeling pretty full, and happy - content, y'know?

It's been SUCH tiring season for me though - with a ton of transience.

When I woke up this morning to leave that state (and her city), I just felt so sad about it.

For a Christian guy, marrying a real nice young woman who prioritises her faith, cares about people, and who lives with (I guess) kind of 'old fashioned' values or whatever is probably kind of a dream.

And my BPD ex presented herself *exactly* that way.

And then the front door of the house would close and a different side would come out...

I believe my BPD ex is genuinely committed to her faith... but that sort of subject can be kind of complex sometimes, and a bit confusing.

It's just - after an emotionally heightened event like a wedding, when I've had a few beers, not slept much, and had a dance or two with a couple of girls that I liked... maybe it just stirred my emotions up.

And seeing that city melt away from a different angle kind of reminded me of what I loved about being there - and that tied in with her too.

Finally, I was also on the mode of transport where her CSA took place (which I won't say anything more about), and it's the first time I've taken that route - it reminded me of her all over again.

I don't think this is some kind of relapse.

I think I'm just tired, a bit lonely, emotionally stirred up, and it's come back to her.

But I sure do wish that I had a nice, calmer girl with me now - maybe it'd make things easier.

Then again, in general, I have the attitude that I'll do all I can to flourish in my life - whether single or in a relationship, and I think I must be feeling this way for other reasons.

It's a little discouraging, because I'd basically forgotten her and thought I'd never be on another BPD forum as long as I shall live!

But today I guess I just needed to type this somewhere where people might understand.

Thanks everyone :)