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My ex came back to me asking for another chance. She said she’s going to break up with her current boyfriend. I advised her to be single and work through her emotional instability before we talk about getting back together. I suggested she try DBT, and she’s willing to go for it. Are there any good recommendations on what or where to look for in DBT therapy? Or anyone here has any recommendations? Would be really helpful.

Also apologise if it’s not the right place to post.
Thank you

Hi there;

A reputable resource for finding DBT therapists in your area is the PsychologyToday.com "Find a Therapist" (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) page. You can start by filtering by location, then click "Filters", scroll to "types of therapy", and select DBT.

It's important that people don't feel pushed into therapy by someone else, that they feel trust and connection with the therapist, and that they're going for themselves, not due to ultimatums, guilt, or what other people want. (Not saying any of that is or isn't going on here -- just speaking generally)

If your exGF can be the one selecting a DBT therapist and making (and keeping) appointments, and if she feels like the T understands her and is on her side, chances are better that there can be some benefit.

Therapy can take a long time when it's about really fundamental stuff (FOO issues, things from childhood, personality organization). For example, for me, it's been "quick and easy" to process finding our housemate dead in our home... it's been much more difficult and long-lasting to work with internal feelings of shame coming from my childhood.

I would be patient. This will take a while. It's great that she's interested in DBT; I would not expect a "results in just six weeks" kind of outcome.

Does that start to answer your question?

Hi kells76,

Thanks a lot, and yes it helped. I'm not really looking for anything in the short term, and I'm not sure if I want her back. I just wanted to help her out because she asked me for help. I suggested DBT, and she's keen to do it. She had already been searching for it herself, so I thought I could help.

Thank you again for the reply.

That makes sense. It's good that she felt like she could ask you for help, and that you had a reputable idea for her. Taking time to sort through your own feelings, in the meantime, is smart.

No matter what happens between the two of you, I hope for her own sake that she is able to find some support and healing. And, again, no matter what happens between the two of you, it is meaningful that you have been able to be a "road sign" to her at this part of your journey, suggesting a direction for her path. I hope that give you some peace and closure for the past.