BPDFamily.com

I understand that when a person BPD splits and then proceeds to accuse you of unbelievable, crazy stuff that never happened that they truly believe it actually happened.  Do they hold on to this belief forever, or do they eventually realize that it was wrong?

Hi there,

Outrageous, raging accusations are par for the course with BPD.  Their brain can distort fact patterns beyond recognition!  Oftentimes the accusations are some sort of projection.  I think that's because the pwBPD spends so much time ruminating about unpleasant incidents and their negative self-worth, that these ill feelings remain top of mind, and yet are are too painful to keep inside.  At the slightest trigger or provocation, she'll spew them out, directing the ill feelings onto someone else.  Does that ring any bells for you?

When I first heard the accusations of the pwBPD in my life, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  Yet, over time, her accusations became more extreme, and the fact patterns never seemed to line up.  Eventually I would learn about the "real" issues affecting her, typically some sort of major stress or disappointment (e.g. failing out of school, getting kicked out of a rooming situation, losing/quitting her job, not getting something she wanted).  I imagine that the stress would build up inside her, and she'd feel intense shame and anger.  She might have an innocuous interaction with a friend or family member, and the shame and anger would be unleashed, but directed at them.  Since her anger appeared to come out of nowhere, she'd typically destroy that relationship, leaving the other person confused, scared and deeply concerned.

Anyway, I'm not sure if she believes all the details of the accusations, and I'm not sure that even matters very much (depending on the situation).  What she believes 100% is her ill feelings.  She'll typically feel abused, alienated, inferior, worthless and insecure.  Her accusations typically involve others who bully/assault her, exclude her, disrespect her or act in a condescending way to her.  But I think that what she has wrong is the actual source of her feelings.  I think these feelings come from inside, and aren't really caused by anyone else.  Yet according to her distorted thinking patterns, she is always a VICTIM.  She thinks that other people are causing all her problems, not her.  Her brain will distort fact patterns and fabricate a story so that she always is portrayed as a victim.  If anyone tries to challenge her or point out an inconsistency, she will either (a) retreat and avoid, typically by storming off and cutting off communication for a time, or (b) dredge up some other story of abuse, to deflect, but at the same time solidify, her victim status, a classic whataboutism tactic.  If she knows that she's outright lying, she probably thinks that it's completely justified, because of the purported abuses committed.  Moreover, she might want to inflict pain in retribution, and if lying achieves that, then it's justified in her mind.  Anyway, when her emotions take over, logic quickly flies out the window.  I suspect though, that when she calms down, she knows that she lied, but her brain will justify it because the other person was purportedly cruel.  In other words, it's a self-protecting mechanism, because underneath it all, she hates herself and beats herself up for her poor choices.  Does that make sense? 

Thanks. It pretty  much does. But, what they do doesn't make any sense. I've never in my life met anyone  like this. I didn't know  they even existed! :)