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Hi everyone, I’m looking for some insight about something my BPD ex once told me.

She said that when she thinks about us, it’s like there’s an angel and a devil sitting on her shoulders.

Hello! Sorry i cant edit my post and i posted it before i could finish it! Hi everyone, I’m looking for some insight about something my (probably BPD) ex once told me.

She said that when she thinks about us, it’s like there’s an angel and a devil sitting on her shoulders.
The angel side wants to believe we could work things out, holds on to the dreams and future plans we had (like having a baby, building a life together).

But the devil side reminds her of all the pain, the fears, the “what if it gets worse again?”, and completely shuts down the idea.

She told me she didn’t want to give me false hope. That she doesn’t trust me anymore, even though part of her still wonders “what if?”
She’s in a new relationship now, but it honestly feels like she’s not herself anymore. It’s like she’s playing a different role – over-posting with this new guy, acting overly happy, very different from how she was with me.

Is this inner “angel vs. devil” battle something others with BPD have described too?
Could that “angel” voice come back later, when the storm settles or the idealization fades?
Are these conflicting feelings genuine, or just emotional swings?

I’m not here to pressure her or force anything, I’m just genuinely trying to understand what might be going on inside her.
Any thoughts would mean a lot. Thank you

Hi, I suppose the 'angel or devil' could well describe the 'black or white' aspect of BPD, where someone or something is all good or all bad.

In a sense, every BPD sufferer has it - as I'm sure you've read from the many posts on here, the 'angel' and the 'devil' can swap in an instant, so anything is possible.

I found it interesting that by her comments, your ex seems to acknowledge that she does have some emotional problems; many BPD can't see this and refuse to accept it, which makes any prospects of treatment difficult. It's a good sign that she at least accepts this is down to her.

If you did reunite, do you think she would respond to suggestions of professional treatment?

Thank you so much for your response – I really appreciate it.
Yes, I also believe this “angel vs devil” metaphor was her way of expressing the internal splitting that happens with BPD. What makes this even more painful is that she was actually aware of it sometimes – she admitted it before. But now, it feels like she’s completely under the control of the “devil side”: rejecting me fully, idealizing her new boyfriend, acting like I never mattered.

I know true healing can only happen if she accepts therapy – and I did my best to support her emotionally for a long time. But I also understand now that I can’t fix someone who’s not ready to face their inner struggles.

The hardest part is that the “devil side” doesn’t even acknowledge she has BPD – only the “angel side” sometimes does, or when she’s feeling empty and emotionally drained.

Still… there’s a part of me that hopes the angel will return again someday.