BPDFamily.com

Me and a girl I dated 3 years ago reconnected earlier this year. We don’t talk much cause she says she has no phone, and sometimes disappears for days, weeks or months. Hadn’t heard from her in a few months until 2 weeks ago she texted me telling me she thought of me but had no phone. We talked and I told her I hate how she disappears and how I’ve missed her and would like to actually talk to her again. I told her I wish I could go back in time and she said she missed those days and felt the same. She told me if she had a way to talk to me 24/7 she promises she would. Last night I told her I’d drive up to see her anytime, we live in different states. She told me I should come visit. I told her I still get emails from something we both used when we were together but joked since my wife divorced me I don’t need it, she said she also gets emails with my name and says it makes her sad and happy. She joked that she never filed papers to fully divorced me and still had my name tatted. I told her I was surprised, I figured she had gotten it removed. I told her I still have hers and thought about removing it but I didn’t have the heart. I told her I figured she hated me and wanted me dead cause the last thing she said to me 3 years ago was that she didn't miss me at all and to kill myself. I feel like it was a mistake saying that because she’s left me on read this morning and now I’m bummed because I thought things were going good and she wanted to see me again. My heads all over the place now hoping she texts back later or something. Is this normal? Should I not have said I thought of removing her name and figured she hated me lol I feel so stupid. I don’t wanna lose her again. I think she has some legal/drug issues she dealing with atm so I try not to take when she disappears personally, but it still hurts. I wanna send her another message but I'd rather not make a fool of myself. I was told this was called push pull or something, but I don't really know.