BPDFamily.com

I wanted to share where I’m at with my situation, hoping to get some support and insight.

My ex-girlfriend, who has BPD, has been engaging in a smear campaign against me after I left the relationship. She's contacted my workplace with complaints, sent parcels to my parents’ address under my name, and generally tried to control and manipulate me even after I moved out.

Recently, she unblocked me on WhatsApp and other platforms. I believe this was a deliberate move—she still wants to keep a connection with me on her terms. However, I’ve now blocked her completely.

I think this has put her in an emotional checkmate. On one hand, her abandonment fears and desire for control make her want to reach out or charm me back. On the other hand, any direct contact risks exposing her lies and manipulations to my employers, which she clearly wants to avoid.

So, she’s stuck: wanting to control and connect but unable to do so without risking everything. This boundary I’ve set protects me and forces her into this corner.

I’m sharing this because I want to understand this dynamic better and hear from others who have experienced similar “checkmate” moments. How have you navigated this? What helped you stay strong?

Thanks for listening.

In short, no, though I did have an ex quite a while ago who was vindictive and demonstrated if not those behaviors then the capacity for them.

So, I'm going to offer you advice:

1) Do NOT engage your ex. She is operating clearly in an unethical if not criminal way. She is willing to ruin your reputation and possibly your career, and she has dragged your parents into the fracas. That makes her a very dangerous person. She will likely try to provoke you into doing and saying things that will look like they confirm what she is accusing you of. The more you interact with her, the more ammunition you potentially give her.

2) Document everything. If it's in writing -- emails and so forth -- save it. Take screen shots with the date and time. If there are voicemails, save and record them, along with any time stamps. If there was conversation but no written record, write them down in a notebook. Date it. If necessary, reach out to your company's HR Department and explain your side of things since she's apparently already approached them. (Consult an attorney first, perhaps.)

3) Write a letter to yourself explaining what she has done, in detail. Then mail it to yourself in a sealed envelope. Do not open it, but make sure you have the postage mark so the date it was sent is recorded.

4) Do not entertain getting back together with her.

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm sorry you're going through the fallout of a BPD relationship- that's never easy.

You probably won't like my answer, but the main thing that helped me was finding forgiveness.  My ex was mentally ill and going through a lot internally.  In her mind, her outbursts and behavior were justified, and she probably never meant to hurt me.

In other words, I could see her as a hateful, evil person who destroyed me....or I could see someone sick and reacting badly in their current mental state.  The latter viewpoint led me to compassion, acceptance, and eventually forgiveness.

Again, I know that's not what you're looking for, but at the same time you're in a war (so to speak) that will never have any winners.  So why fight it at all?  Let her say or do whatever she wants and you can just live your life.