BPDFamily.com

My 25-year-old son suddenly changed from being loving and very close to me, his father, to being hateful and distant. I supported him financially after college and he now rejects/resents this help. He calls me a loser because I'm not successful. I supported him financially after college, and now he rejects or resents this help. He calls me a loser because I'm not successful. He's starting to become a well-off realtor and seems to believe he's a genius. His mother was an alcoholic and had BPD; his childhood was chaotic. He's following the same pattern with his sister (21), with whom he previously had a very close relationship. Can anyone relate?

To understand the situation is this it? You have had a good relationship with your two children and your son is now distancing himself from you and his sister?

What is the relationship between you and his mother? Still together? What is your son's relationship with her?

There are several possible reasons for your son's behavior but not enough information to know which it is (we can only surmise here- not diagnose).

One is- is your son possibly being triangulated "against you" by his mother? (if they are in contact).

Another is- your son also has his own issues- possible PD, alcohol or drug use that is the reason for the sudden change in behavior?

Or-your son is separating himself from the whole family due to his own childhood trauma.

What are your thoughts?

Mother was an alcoholic with BPD and other issues. Out of our lives for over a decade, and now deceased. I brought up the kids, so they went through school and college Son seems to think that he was the parent bring up his younger sister and as such he now tends to infantilize her!  The switch in his behavior came when he started to be succesful at work and started making money. He no longer needed or respected me. Now he hates me and, because we spend a lot of time together, he's also turned on his sister in an equally nasty manner. So hard to understand...

It is difficult when a family member turns on you like that. It may not be possible to know exactly why.

It's also hard to know how the family dynamics affected him as a child. A child doesn't understand a parent's mental illness or alcoholism. This also affected you in ways.

It seems you did the best you could in the situation and did what you could to give him the best start in life. That he's successful is a tribute to that.

It's also possible he's doing what some teens do as a way to differentiate themselves from their parents- developmentally. They want their own ideas and identity and may reject the parent's ideas, want to mostly be with their peers. Often this resolves as they mature and gain their sense of self. Maybe he's doing this a bit later than teens do.

My best advice is- even though this feels personal- it's probably more about him than you. It's hurtful but you are the one with maturity and perspective. At 25, he doesn't have that. You stay calm, let him know you love him and are available if he wants to talk. He's going to have his own experiences ahead of him and his perspective may change over time.