BPDFamily.com

This ex of mine has dumped me 3 times in the past two months and two of the three times was because he split and painted me black but this time I’m not devalued or painted black. He dumped me over text after almost two years together because he sees his ego is hurting me and we’re doomed to repeat cycles, sadly this is two days after we had an argument where I told him I want to be picked over his ego and his ego is suffocating this relationship. He promised me he’d do the work to kill his ego and show me he can value me… oops. Anyways I’m looking for support because everywhere has “I was painted black/devalued/etc. and blah blah” but idk how to handle this. I’ve crashed out all night on him and he just takes and gives me incredibly shallow “I’m sorry”s and now I’m just depressed. I’ve blocked him on everything I’ve deleted his number I’ve deleted all our photos I’m in the process of donating all the gifts I got him and throwing away all his gifts but idk how to handle being dumped and not being painted black. Idk what to expect. He knows where I live he came to my house last night asking to talk which I said no and he left. I want to be done I’m scared I don’t have the courage to be done and idk I want to vent to people who may have gone through something similar.

This can all be so very disorienting. I remember being rejected and attacked repeatedly. What I have come to learn (and hope you can learn too) is that there is a cause behind that behavior, but it has little to do with what you or I do. It has to do with past your partner's past trauma, self-doubt, emotions that hit them like a ton of bricks, and a poorly developed sense of identity. People with BPD usually agree with the statement "I often feel that I have no idea who I am or that I have no identity."

The great secret, of course, is that your personality and your life is greatly up to you. You decide who you enter romantic relationships with and when you exit them. You decide what you like and what you spend your time on. It's nice to have the approval of others but at the end of the day your own approval is the only one that you have to deal with 24/7.

Breakups are so hard. I feel for you. It takes courage to leave a relationship and resist the temptation to return to the comfortable and familiar. Sometimes making a pro's and con's list can be beneficial.