BPDFamily.com

Hello, friends!  After 3+ long years of sporadic texts, I came home last night & there was a garbage bag of stuff....a bag of wrapped toys, with a note from my daughter, pwBPD, (she has not seen her 3 nieces, for 3 years) "these are from Christmases, thanks for giving me space", well...come to find out (this makes me sad, found out from my mother, pwBPD is moving to a different apartment (again, I am ALWAYS happy she has SOMEone, however, I feel like I am losing every tiny link I had to her (I helped her find, move, etc. to the apartment she is moving FROM), I am just going to give the gifts to the kids at Christmas; I am HOPING this is a step in the right direction (?) I sent her a very brief text acknowledging the gifts (as always, SOOO many steps, just to say, HELLO, I love and miss you)....I hope this is the "one"

Hi BPDstinks
Just to clarify - were the wrapped presents ones DD was returning to you or ones she is giving?

Hi!  well,,,,I am unsure, my mom knows she was moving, so....I think it was the intention that I give them TO the kids; it was very sad, some of them were (age "stamped" for much younger kids, (one was for a 2 year old....that child is now almost 5) (it just so happens their mom is pregnant again, so....I am just saving it!) the other gifts I put with the Xmas gifts I save up; I sent a "blanket" text to my daughter "I got the gifts, how thoughtful, I will make sure they are "doled" out...hope you are well heart emoji (i try not to overdo) (i never heard back) since THAT time, we had a baby shower for the mom i mentioned and she invited pwBPD saying "we would like a fresh start and would love to see you" no response, the oldest grandchild has been mentioned pwBPD alot lately (she was practically raised by pwBPD) we explained that pwBPD has some medical issues; asked if she could call pwBPD, she did, no response....I guess that was a LONG answer to a tiny question!  and I answered my hope question :( (thank YOU for asking!)

Thanks BPDstinks.

I find I am pondering the 'thanks for giving me space'.

I find that a really interesting statement to unpack.

hi!  well....one of our last "conversations" stemmed from her boss at work calling me (she did this often) to tell me pwBPD was having a very bad day (boss was very involved (pwBPD was very lucky, as her employer made many allowances) and strongly suggested I reach out to pwBPD; i called & said "how is it going, want to do dinner" or something like that" which caused a TIRADE of I was stalking her and she would get a restraining order; followed by a text pwBPD was going to go to dialetical (can't think of the exact word) and needed "space" and would "reach out" when she was ready (that was 2 years ago) (what was the unpack reference?"

The comment surprised me. First of all it's not that usual for someone with BPD to say 'thanks' and then 'thanks for giving me space' could be  - even more unusual.

The background you give makes it more unusual still. Clearly that event has stayed in DD's mind and she has appreciated that you have understood her need to be 'separate'. It's a big reachout but I think the steps forward will need to be on her terms.

I think yes it is hope for sure - and I think your response was on the money. It's so hard when we love our child and want the contact so much, to step back and let it all be on their terms. When going through those times I went over and over the 'Letting Go' poem of Nelson Mandela. It seemed to ease my pain and anxiety.

Thank you so much for understanding!  It is such an odd time! I feel emotional, anyway! My grandkids are going back to school and dance class is starting back up & that was my passion with them and my pwBPD, so....it is always a rough time....anyway...pwBPD is still in contact with my mother, so....I know I am lucky for that....speaking of grandkids; to add salt to the wound, my oldest granddaughter was very close to pwBPD; during Covid we practically raised her & pwBPD basically homeschooled her; GD has been asking about her alot, said she was her first best friend (goodness, it is emotional to the coldest of hearts; she texted pwBPD and ZERO response....I, once again, can NOT wrap me brain around this, if pwBPD her beef with me, ok....but she ADORED the GD, it is just a mystery....I, still, will, always patiently wait....again, I am grateful for your words of encouragement!