BPDFamily.com

I have a friend who has dementia and making it very hard for her siblings to help her. The friend has tried to recruit me to cover up her dementia. She asked me to do certain tasks for her, that a person not suffering from dementia could do for herself/himself. I said no. I have talked to one of the siblings letting her know I will not enable her sister, because it makes it more difficult for the family members. The sibling appreciated my input. I have heard of many instances from members on this site in which the disordered person recruits non family members to enable them and makes it more difficult for the family members who are trying to help the disordered person. Thank you all for teaching me to do the right thing! In the past, I would have stepped up to help my friend with dementia which would allow her to cover up  her problems and make it more difficult for her family.

I’m very happy you were able to set a strong boundary, zachira!  :wee:   I’m working on it (it’s hard).

 I know the problem of blindly doing everything asked of me. I was taken advantage of at work, family and some friends. It comes from coercive control by my mom verbally abusing me for existing. I wanted someone to be nice to me somewhere. I rebelled against her cruelty and selfishness by being very moral and being nice. I failed to see they were being nice to get something out of me. They were a nice version of my mother.

I have gotten angry and cut them out of my life. A lot of them need to stay gone.

 I like that you were able to assert yourself while continuing the friendship. I’m trying to make acquaintances and friendships. I have to navigate setting boundaries with emotionally healthy people. That’s a challenge because I fear they’ll take off the mask and be disordered. I also fear they’ll drop me if I say no.

Telhill,
Recognizing who is being superficially nice to later take off the mask to become abusive is a challenge for me also. I also fear being hurt by getting close to other people. For many years, I was only interested in people I could take care of and did not feel attracted to emotionally healthy people because they did not need me. Now I see through unhealthy people more quickly, yet I occasionally get fooled. Part of taking the risk of trying to have relationships of any kind, is we will get hurt at times. I often feel so sad that my picker is so warped by being the family scapegoat and manipulated to think I should put up with abusive people so the disordered people in my family will never have to face who they really are.