BPDFamily.com

I'm the mother of a 25 yr old trans son who has a number of diagnoses...ADHD/depression/anxiety/ASD as well as very probably BPD and a very active eating disorder. We live in a major city in Canada.

He lives at home with us. We are a longtime blended family with myself, my husband, my other son (23) and stepdaughter (21).

My husband and I are currently doing the Family Connections program, about halfway through. I'm learning a lot, my husband even more so. Even with that though, I am exhausted and burnt out, and have been for a long time. Right now my son with the issues is extremely hard to live with on all sorts of levels. I spend way too much time trying to get him help, doing paperwork to do with his disabilities etc. Right now I am working on getting him case management because I can't do this long term, I swear it is slowly killing me. And even though I do so much for him it feels like he can't stand me. I'm just especially sad and tired today. Learning a lot about how important validation is but I can't really validate him when he's not talking to me lol.

Anyhow I am glad to be here and looking forward to hopefully get support from people who get it.

Hi Lentil_soup66 and I am glad you are here. This is the one place I have found where people understand just how exhausting it is to support a child with Bpd – and the other conditions you mention.

And sad? Gosh it is heart-breaking. Whenever I find a picture of my DD young and smiling  - well I just can’t cope.

I am so glad you and your DH are doing the course and learning. The big thing is that you are doing it together, so you can have a shared approach on how to cope with your situation. You have a lot on your plate with other children’s needs to be met too.

There have been times when I have been so low. I think taking mental ‘time-out’ has been helpful. I found myself waking up thinking of DD and continuing to think of her all day. So I learnt to time-out – ‘I will think about DD at 5pm today for half an hour’.

Start with small time-outs – 15 minutes here and there. You are exhausted and it will take a while just to feel some emotional and physical energy again. Small but regular.

I am glad you are looking for other support for DS. I think we need to do all that we can do, then there will come a time when we can say ‘I have done all that I can’.

When we say this it doesn’t mean we have stopped loving our child – it just means that the outcome is not in our control.

When I got to this point I found comfort in telling myself that though I couldn’t do any more, my DD was loved – and that was the most important thing.

I hope you can get the breaks you need to feel some energy again  - and feel the value in your life and the love you have for your family.

I always thought that I expressed love. I hope my child finds the fight within her for herself and does not waste time hating the world for not being like her.