BPDFamily.com

Like the man on the bridge, holding onto the rope in the parable on here “The Bridge” I let go of the rope. There was a physical incident I went back to court and got a domestic violence protective order that includes no contact with the kids during my residential time unless they contact her.

Prior to getting the order I went no contact and didn’t tell anyone where I was. I left them cryptic messages because their mother was trying to use them to contact me.

My 15-year-old daughter has a therapist. My 13 year-old daughter does not.  We’ve tried and haven’t found one that fits.

They will be here tomorrow and I haven’t seen them in almost 2 weeks which is really unusual. They don’t know exactly what’s going on. I’m not sure exactly how to explain the rigid no contact separation and divorce. I wanna tell them enough so that I’m not lying, but I don’t want to alienate them from their mother.

15 and 13- they've probably seen enough to know things are not OK. I also think they don't need to know too much. You could say you are following legal advice and you know it's not all clear to them, but that this is what the lawyers recommend. This makes the focus on an authority figure, not either parent. Reiterate that you love them and that this will get better once all is worked out.

I'm a little unclear on the long lack of contact with the kids?  I would have had the impression that a no-contact order would have applied to the parents, not the kids?  I must be missing something here.

Years ago, well after we parents were separated, my ex had claimed in court that she couldn't talk with "her" child the weekend before.  She of course made it appear that I was blocking contact.  The reality was the opposite.

• My son and I had taken a gentle canoe ride on a local scenic river and my phone got wet and died.
• From home  I set up a greeting that my cell phone was out of order and to call the house phone.  No calls over the weekend.
• Late Sunday night I checked my cell's VMs and she was screaming to talk to her son.  In order to leave a VM should would have had to listen to my changed greeting.
• Monday morning as we prepared to leave for daycare I called her on the house phone and put our child on the phone.
• I replaced my phone on Wednesday.  We had a previously scheduled court appearance on Thursday where my ex sidetracked a magistrate we'd never met before, framing me as the bad guy.
• The irate magistrate, behind her daily schedule by that time, did not inquire of me why parental contact didn't happen.  I was berated and order issued that parents get DAILY phone contact.
• That order persisted until years later a better magistrate canceled it.

Clearly, ordering daily contact was over the top and too onerous over the months and years.  On the other hand, I do believe that, unless not advisable for good reason, you should have regular contact with your children.  Your ex, sure, don't reach out to a problem person, but the kids need your contact.  That's why I think there's some issue I'm not discerning.

Okay, I re-read the post and apparently you just got an order where she can't contact the kids while they're with you.  Do I have that right? Or can you too not contact the kids while they're with her?

What is the parenting schedule?  If it's that bad then why would they be so long with her?