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Title: I've come to the conclusion it's their values Post by: Kelli Cornett on February 12, 2017, 02:35:44 PM I've come to the conclusion it's their values.
It's what makes them not functional and a ty partner. Because all they are is sex and attention. When you really think about it did it ever go beyond that? Probably not. But they would make you feel/pretend it was so you wouldn't leave them. When people like us value, honesty, loyalty, commitment, stableness. It really comes down to that. Title: Re: I've come to the conclusion it's their values Post by: noideaforname on February 12, 2017, 03:22:26 PM yup, one time we had kinda of a fight... .and when i went to talk to her ( this was the very start of the r/s )
she answered like this: "one thing you should know about me, i don't like to talk about things, i like to have sex, we have sex now and i know its ok" and yeah... .a lot of the things that happened that would upset her... .we had sex and it was all gone... .but when she wanted to break up... .all the things popped and were smashed at my face like she was carrying all of it just waiting to do this Title: Re: I've come to the conclusion it's their values Post by: Kelli Cornett on February 12, 2017, 04:04:40 PM yup, one time we had kinda of a fight... .and when i went to talk to her ( this was the very start of the r/s ) she answered like this: "one thing you should know about me, i don't like to talk about things, i like to have sex, we have sex now and i know its ok" and yeah... .a lot of the things that happened that would upset her... .we had sex and it was all gone... .but when she wanted to break up... .all the things popped and were smashed at my face like she was carrying all of it just waiting to do this It's very shallow and sad. You can't build a relationship with a person like this. Why would we stay? Title: Re: I've come to the conclusion it's their values Post by: joeramabeme on February 12, 2017, 05:08:53 PM I think sex can be used as a form of validation and acceptance to show; I am attractive, wanted, valued etc. It could even signify loyalty and commitment. However, all this can play directly into the emotional disorder and fear of abandonment; for example, having sex can temporarily minimize or eliminate the fear of being abandoned. But the fear comes back afterwards.
Even people without BPD can use sex in the same way; to mask insecurity and the like. The fact that some of us were pulled in via the use of sex still has the same implications as those of us that were married and had a committed emotional contract; pwBPD have a fear of abandonment and have developed various emotional and physical coping mechanisms to overcome those fears. It is not really about "values", it is "emotional" in nature; the fear supersedes the values. The particular actions selected may indicate what is seen as valuable; ie: marriage or sex, regardless of the actions there is an emotional reaction to a core fear that recurs. Title: Re: I've come to the conclusion it's their values Post by: Kelli Cornett on February 13, 2017, 12:49:56 AM I think sex can be used as a form of validation and acceptance to show; I am attractive, wanted, valued etc. It could even signify loyalty and commitment. However, all this can play directly into the emotional disorder and fear of abandonment; for example, having sex can temporarily minimize or eliminate the fear of being abandoned. But the fear comes back afterwards. Even people without BPD can use sex in the same way; to mask insecurity and the like. The fact that some of us were pulled in via the use of sex still has the same implications as those of us that were married and had a committed emotional contract; pwBPD have a fear of abandonment and have developed various emotional and physical coping mechanisms to overcome those fears. It is not really about "values", it is "emotional" in nature; the fear supersedes the values. The particular actions selected may indicate what is seen as valuable; ie: marriage or sex, regardless of the actions there is an emotional reaction to a core fear that recurs. It's all they care about. |