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Title: BPD wife splitting, and now her routine has changed Post by: Muskwe on November 15, 2025, 12:21:54 PM Hi All
First post here, so bear with me. Background - 20 year marriage. BPD wife (trans woman) is my spouse. I suspect she also has PTSD but neither have been diagnosed. She's had episodes throughout the marriage, but this last one is different. She's told me: - she's not sure she "loves me that way" -she's not sure she wants to be married -she says we rushed into the relationship (we dated 3 years before getting married) - she has now become secretive with her phone - she has now "made friends with another woman via multiplayer phone games, and has told me she's not giving it up - she's changed the lock screen on her phone when after 20 years, she always said she had nothing to hide. - intimacy is non-existent and hasn't been for a long while - she does not want to talk to me, touch me or be touched. there's more but I honestly can't keep it all straight. Now normally, I would ride this out. I've been telling her "I love and miss you. I'm here if you want to talk. You matter to me" etc etc, and trying to give her space. I know there's a big black hole of pain in her head and she's not having an easy time. I still bring her food and coffee and stuff. I tell her to be safe when she leaves in the morning - just reinforcing that she matters to me. Her usual protocol is to cocoon in bed. Get home from work, jammies, in bed and stay there. Weekends? Never leaves the bed. Plays that game ( my god, how I hate that game and the woman she's talking to.....it's killing me). Maybe takes a gummie. Today, she suddenly decided that she was going for a drive. Someplace where she could hear the ware and birds. Then she left. We have a phone app that is a tracker (she put it on everyone's phone) that she has turned to location off for her. She didn't tell me where or for how long she was going. I'm terrified. I feel like she's going to come back and tell me it's over and she's moving out. The other side is that this will just continue. I 'm so very lost. I love her so much and I am more than willing to do therapy, work on how I can be her anchor again and all around be her person. I don't know what to do. |