BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

Just making a first post, I found this site through the book The Essential Family Guide to BPD. After one amazing, and then several confusing and chaotic, years, I have separated from my life partner who exhibits nearly all of the borderline characteristics in books and websites I've started to read. I stumbled on the borderline term online kind of by accident and was shocked to read people giving such accurate descriptions of how my partner acts - particularly defensiveness and lashing out when there is a percieved threat. I feel like my head is spinning from all the new info and from the fact that I'm actually not crazy for all the feelings I have from my varied and (de-)evolving experiences with my ex-partner. I've already got some tools to use from the book on keeping boundaries as we navigate a separation and they continue to act in bewildering ways. Glad to be here and looking forward to learning more and maybe finding more peace in my future life.

Hello and welcome :)

You're in very good company here as we've all been through the same experiences, some with a mercifully short BPD relationship, some like myself with a few years and some who spent a lifetime with their partner.

When I first read about BPD I too was amazed how accurately it described my situation and just how script-like the illness is; it's very predictable for the most part once you've experienced it for a while.  It was also good to realise that I wasn't the villain - as we can be made to feel by our partner's actions - and that BPD's can be skilled manipulators who can turn every innocent and kind thing we do against us, making themselves the 'victim'.

Though our BPD partner can exert quite a hold on us and make it very difficult to end things, once we've seen the futility of continuing the relationship then things atart to improve, though very slowly.

There is life out there - you had a life before you met your BPD partner and you'll have a life again. This time you'll hopefully be experienced enough to see the red flags in future -  and avoid any repetition.

You'll also have read that many ex-BPD partners try to re-engage after a while, either due to not wanting to be alone or just to know that you're still there and possibly still interested, so if you're definitely decided on the break it's important to stay strong and not be drawn back onto the roundabout again, which is all too easy to do.

I'll quote again the 'Three C's' which you may have already seen in posts; you didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it and you can't Control it. If you did your best then you could have done no more.

Write more if you want to or just plain rant to get things off your chest - that's what the site is for and we're all here to support each other.

Best wishes.

I echo Under the Bridge's welcome- I'm so glad you found us!

Take your time and let things begin to sink in; it's definitely overwhelming at first and healing is a process...you can't get there overnight.  You'll discover things in a month from now that suddenly click, and you'll make those discoveries a year from now as well.  But it's not all pain and confusion; that passes over time as you begin to grasp what you were actually facing.

Please ask lots of questions and let us know how we can help you TODAY.  Because that's all that this is about, getting through today for now.   Tomorrow's questions can come tomorrow.