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Title: The mere thought of going back scares me Post by: Aesir on February 12, 2017, 10:57:34 PM I grieve for my broken relationship and I do miss her. At the same time I'm terrified of the prospect of somehow winding up with her again. I guess the abuse was just that damaging over time. I would feel that I had demeaned or sold myself out.
Title: Re: The mere thought of going back scares me Post by: Soulcrushed4 on February 12, 2017, 11:09:24 PM It's amazing how different things look the further removed from the daily chaos we get hey?
I was just going over some court paperwork earlier and it's astounding the things I tolerated... .and the things I don't even think I processed or really registered and there I was doing anything and everything possible to sustain and try to improve a relationship with someone hell bent on sabatoging it. Anything you are finding useful in ensuring you don't go back if your ex tries to recycle you? Title: Re: The mere thought of going back scares me Post by: SuperJew82 on February 13, 2017, 12:28:27 AM I know exactly what you mean. The further out of the FOG I get, the more I realize... .what the H3ll was I thinking? Why on earth did I give her another chance? Yes, they will drag you into their craziness and pretty soon you are are in a shared hell.
The only thing you can do: Leave. Don't look back. Block all known communication methods. Zilch. Nada. Then start working on yourself. Find some books and a therapist. Don't let it happen again. Title: Re: The mere thought of going back scares me Post by: FSTL on February 13, 2017, 07:15:11 AM I know exactly what you mean. The further out of the FOG I get, the more I realize... .what the H3ll was I thinking? Why on earth did I give her another chance? Yes, they will drag you into their craziness and pretty soon you are are in a shared hell. The only thing you can do: Leave. Don't look back. Block all known communication methods. Zilch. Nada. Then start working on yourself. Find some books and a therapist. Don't let it happen again. I agree it's the ideal way forward, but for some of us it's not the only way. Like a lot of people, I work with mine. She changes her mind every day about what she wants to do with her life and, if I am really lucky, she will catch the right day and follow through on her many ideas about changing jobs! I supported a lot of her personality issues that allowed her to survive in her job, but now that I am no longer doing that, there is a lot higher chance she will leave. But in the mean time, LC is the best I can do, which means I have to focus on fixing myself. I too am scared about relapsing, but we discussed going NC over a week ago and so far it has stuck... .which is the longest since December 2015. It sounds pathetic saying that (ie we couldn't not communicate for a week... ) and we're both on holidays, so occupied, but as every day goes by it feels better and I am more accepting of her craziness and my role in the relationship. It feels better as days go by, but I still fear the next time we're in touch... .so I will just keep working on my end of things and building up the strength to get through this until she leaves work. Title: Re: The mere thought of going back scares me Post by: Lucky Jim on February 13, 2017, 03:09:28 PM Hey Aesir, Your fear is well grounded. Grieving is one thing; getting back together is another. Suggest you stick with the former. You have good reason to be terrified, because you would be selling yourself out if you went back. Like you, I suffered from abuse, which was extremely damaging to my self-worth. Keep acknowledging those feelings, which are serving you well.
LuckyJim Title: Re: The mere thought of going back scares me Post by: SuperJew82 on February 13, 2017, 03:20:21 PM Seriously, I would get another job ASAP. I don't care how comfortable I am in my current job - it would not be worth it to me to have to interact with a monster.
That's just me. |