BPDFamily.com

We've been together for a few years now and most of the time she makes me happier than anything else ever could. I don't really know why things got bad this time. Things were fine Wednesday morning, but since that night everything has just sucked. We were just talking about our days and now everything is wrong again. She's convinced I hate her, there's no place in my life for her, and that I want to leave her and am only staying to prove some point. I don't feel that way at all though. I really love her and I know she only gets this way when something makes her feel abandoned or rejected. I must have done something wrong, but I don't know what I could have done.

I'm trying to reassure her that I love her, but no matter what I say or do she just responds "okay." I'm trying not to get frustrated, but it's hard because I have so much else going on right now too. I have papers I need to write and exams to study for, and I have a job too. It's getting to the point where everything is just making me mad, but I don't even get the luxury of being able to be mad because if I don't pretend I'm fine then everything falls apart even faster.

I just don't understand it sometimes. When things are good you tell me you love me and don't see a future without me, then somethings happens--usually just a little misunderstanding--and then for days or weeks all you want to do is push me as far away as you can. I don't know. I understand that you can't help the way your mind works and how you perceive things, but I can only pretend that things are fine so much.

I feel terrible. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm pissed off. I have to pretend I'm perfectly okay though because that's the only way she'll feel better. Things will only get worse if she knows how I feel, so I'm just fine.