BPDFamily.com

My daughter who will be 33 in a few months time did not even complete High School.   Drugs and Boys were more interesting.   I was a Registered Nurse and her father an Engineer.  Neither of us could control her but boy, did she control us with her incessant demands for money - vanity being her obsession.   Her father has gone.   I have bought her a car and supported her on her never-ending wild goose changes.   I will NOT buy the story that BPD is due to childhood abuse.  Her vicious anger is out of control. I live on the coast in South Africa.   She disappeared inland to Johannesburg.   She called the police and an ambulance to tell that I was committing suicide.   I was asleep.  I had not spoken to her for a month.   Her threats and "I know you hate me" are never-ending.   I have started to have chest pain.   Her insults are unbelievable.   She is leaving my house in ten days and expects me to sign a lease for an apartment for her in Cape Town.   She cant stay still for five minutes.  She has told social workers that I am neglectful, abusive, an "alcoholic" and that I groomed her into prositution.   She has told people that I am a ketamine addict.  Then an Opiod addict.   I dont use any medication besides a headache tablet now and again.   Don't waste your time sobbing into your tea because the BPD Monster has gone.   Block all contact and get on with what's left of her life - the pieces she did not manage destroy.    Last night she came into my room holding her phone - she had downloaded an app - and asked me if I knew my IQ -- I do - 135 - she claimed to have an IQ140.   This from an idiot who can barely write.    Long story short - she is now going to work as a stripper.   Not my idea but at 18 she can do what she wants.   She has destroyed my name in the small town that I  live in, I have lost friends because I kept rescuing her.  She has even beaten up my friends - one a 63 year old woman like myself.   Dont look for answers.   Get the BPD Monster the hell away from you, move if you can, change your phone numbers and never look back.  

Hi DonewithBPD ,

Yes, there are people with BPD that can't identify anything wrong in their upbringing. A girl even said she had excellent parents. Anyway, it's very unfair to receive such insults from her, and you don't have to be there for her when she is already an adult.

But now I'll be very honest with you. I don't think I would ever refer to any of my kids as a monster, unless they were really doing heinous crimes of serial killing. Certainly I would never call any of my kids an idiot publicly. If she is not smart, then maybe she has brain damage, which would not be her fault.

This study (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1188508/) found that 81% of BPD patients had a history of brain injury (either developmental, acquired, or both), compared to only 22% of control patients with other psychiatric diagnoses.

Also, I would not be angry at my daughter for being a stripper. I would just get worried about her.

I’m so sorry. I can hear the hurt and exasperation in your post. I can’t imagine living with your daughter as she continues to treat  you like that for so many years.

Something my therapist has helped me to see is that it’s good to have boundaries. We don’t have to continue being abused, even if it’s coming from our own child. Having boundaries doesn’t mean we don’t love them. Would you accept this treatment from anyone else?

You have to take care of yourself. The stress of being a mother to someone like this will ruin your health if you don’t get help.

I don’t believe BPD is caused from abusive or neglectful parents. I believe the only reason that fallacy exists is because the person with BPD claims there was abuse, and we all know how much they tell the truth.

If you feel like you need to go NC, do it. Listen to that instinct. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. Look at all you’ve done for her so far, even as she has continued to abuse you.

I hope you get the help you need and take good care of yourself.

A quick anecdote from almost twenty years ago, going through the research at the time; it turned out more than ~90% of pwBPD claimed to have been sexually molested as a child by their parents (and then many complaining that their current/ex sexual partners assaulted them as well) which seemed pretty iron-clad...until it was revealed ~60% with male therapists also then started claiming that their therapist raped them, police raped them, any male (and sometimes female) with authority or intimacy was 'guilty'.  So obviously that threw the previous numbers out of whack a bit.

While it's clear you're emotional right now - and you may or may not have the identical feelings as things sift out over the coming months, you have caused me also to wonder if parents of multiple children, vs parents of an only child, respond to adult BPD differently.