BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I am also newly separated and my ex- is newly diagnosed with BP.  I tried to email him explaining how hurt I was by his new love interest social media post and how hurtful it was. He responded with things that were all my fault. I have put up a boundary of only email communication because of the incessant texts/calls, etc. Anyways, I am so sad that he is acting this way. I know it's none of my business that he moved on, I just didn't want to see it.  He went on to say he loves me and would never hurt me however, I just told him it was hurtful and he didn't even listen.
My question is, do I just give up on having a normal communication with him or do I keep trying. How will he ever be able to hear what I am saying without the shame/guilt, etc.  For reference he had a secret life until she broke up with him and I found out which is why we are divorcing.
Thanks

It is not surprising to hear that an ex with Borderline traits has quickly moved on to a new relationship.  Possibly it involves a pattern called "object constancy" which, to some extent, could be compared to "out of sight, out of mind".  (Object constancy was a phrase used in my Custody Evaluator's recommendation report, though he never once named a specific mental health dysfunction.)

A reasonably normal person would not be so quick.  We would need some time for closure, to assess what had happened and adjust (recover) to the new life situation.  That also is why we advise our members to give ourselves time to recover, regain our equilibrium and resist jumping into "rebound" relationships.

Your distress that he didn't consider your feelings by jumping so quickly to another is understandable... and also predictable.  Logic and reasoning you try would typically fail.  Your ex's thinking is prone to lean more toward self-oriented perceptions and thinking, not normalcy such as empathy or compassion.  Over on our |---> Tool & Skills Workshops (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329744.0) board we have a topic that discusses why our attempts at JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) so easily fail.

Due to the often-intractable nature of BPD, unless there are children that require continuing contact for parenting communication, many have had to go LC/MC (low contact, medium chill) or even NC (no contact).  There are variable circumstances - including the extent of the BPD traits - that impact such decisions but generally we have to Gift ourselves Closure.