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Hey everyone I’m new here I’m a 21 year old guy in a relationship with my girlfriend who suffers from bpd and I love her so much but sometimes I struggle with my emotions when it come to our relationship for example she use to tell me she loved me all the time and recently she stopped saying it first and would only respond when I said it first and then for the last day or 2 has stopped saying it all together and I’m needing some advice on whether to ask her about it or just let it be

Hi Stunna 21 and welcome to the family!

For how long have you been together? I'm asking because the beginning tends to be much better since the person with BPD tends to remain most of the time idealizing their partner. That's why we call it the love bombing stage.

But if she has just stopped saying she loves you while not being aggressive, then that's a good sign, because she is holding it up. What I recommend to you is not to put any emphasis on the "I love you" thing, because this is superficial. The fact that she stopped telling this is just a side effect of something else that's much deeper, such as paranoid jealousy thoughts, fear of abandonment, feelings of worthlessness, etc.

What you cando? First, you must focus on the fact that she is in internal pain, rather than focusing on your expectations of her. If you are in this mindset, then you can approach her and comment on your perceptions, but make sure you say it in a way that can't possibly be interpreted as a judgment or a complaint. You should truthfully be worried about her. Then, be cautious as if you were disarming a nuclear bomb, hope that she opens up, and make sure to validate her feelings as she expresses them. Also, go slowly, making sure she does not interpret it negatively; otherwise, that won't go well. If things are getting off-track, abort the mission and say something like, "Oh, it's ok, don't worry," and try to end the conversation. You can always try again another day.

I would free yourself early and build your life.