BPDFamily.com

I have a teen with BPD.
I need to hear other people's stories about how they found out their child had this and how they parent differently because of it. Thanks!

Hi there Julianne

Welcome to the forum.  I'm sorry what brought you here but very glad to meet you.

There's a lot of information about BPD on this site.  I encourage you to read as much as you can (top right hand bars on this page as a starting point) if you haven't already.

Learning about BPD gave me a better understanding of my BPD son's behaviours, limitations and challenges he faces every day. I found this helped arm myself and better prepared me not to react to him.  I've learnt vital communication and validation skills and slowly my son started to respond positively. We have a better relationship because if it.

To answer your specific question. I always knew there was something that may be wrong. By the time he was a teenager he started to take drugs and this confused matters greatly as this became our focus. He got diagnosed at 24 following a crisis  and returned home to live with us. I have another son at 16 non BPD.

I parent totally differently now and this forum has been my life saver.  We work hard on getting my bods26 to a point he can live independently. He finds life daily challenges a problem but has made a lot of progress with our change in approach.

Do you have a son or daughter and how old are they?

Have they been diagnosed and in any treatment?

What's your biggest problem that you're dealing with?

We're here if you need us and this is a safe place where you aren't judged.

L

Hello Julianne
I, like LollyPop, would like to welcome you to BPD family, and recommend reading the lessons and tools on the right side of the board.
My DD wasn't diagnosed as BPD until she was into her adult years, I believe she was  26 actually. She had been treated fro years for one issue after another, and nothing seemed to ring true, until the BPD diagnosis.
The dynamic of our relationship has changed a great deal since her diagnosis, and my learning how to communicate with her. You will find that communicating in the appropriate way will make a monumental difference in the way your son behaves and responds.
I have learned not to react to the angry displays, but respond in a positive way. Sometimes I fall into old patterns and habits, and it quickly becomes apparent.
Learning to let go of the hurt, and accepting that sometimes the BPD child just can't help it, will be quite beneficial. learning to validate the valid and to respond with S.E.T. ( support, empathy and truth) will become a much loved tool.
Please continue to share your story, there are many other parents here who are experiencing the same thing, and they can offer sound advice or just a shoulder. this forum has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.
Take care

Hi Julianne,

I'm sorry to hear your child suffers from BPD.

Have you read BPD in Adolescence by Blaise Aguirre? He's a leading expert on BPD in adolescence, and there are some helpful youtube videos available with him speaking on the topic, in addition to the skills he mentions parents can learn in his book.

What are some of the issues you are struggling with in your BPD teen?

Welcome to the group  !  Our diagnosis have been all over the place. As a child there were things within her personality which seemed very strange to me like the fact that she covered her face whenever someone praised her publically and she had sensory issues, especially being terrified of loud noises, from infancy. We just thought it was part of her personality. When she was 11 she started cutting, developed bulimia and anorexia (back and forth), had frequent mood swings and suicidal ideation. Pdoc diagnosed her with major depressive and put her on Prozac, which sent her over the edge but we just thought it was working really well (turns out it was working too well - gave her symptoms of mania but we didn't realize it). At 14 she was admitted to an RTC for frequent suicidal thoughts among other issues. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and now at 17 her symptoms are classic for that. Just about 3 months ago she was also diagnosed with borderline personality traits, so we are in the process of trying to learn how to deal with both disorders. I guess you and I will be learning how to navigate this together.