BPDFamily.com

I don’t know I was having all sorts of technical issues and my post was posting incomplete so I’m trying a new post. If mods read this, you could delete my other post…

Feeling an little overwhelmed today as I just finished signing the Docusign and paid the retainer for the divorce lawyer.

Kind of in shock to be honest and almost feels a little out of body. I’m in a little disbelief with myself. Still a ways to go but this feels like a big step forward.

Nothing has materially changed, it’s just where ive been headed. A couple of interesting things this past week though…

First it feels weird processing things and moving towards divorce when it’s my birthday and valentines is around the corner. I feel a little like I’m having to act my ass off. But don’t really have a choice but to pretend like things are normal for now.

So it was my birthday week last week

Trying one last time to paste my entire post in here…

Feeling an little overwhelmed today as I just finished signing the Docusign and paid the retainer for the divorce lawyer.

Kind of in shock to be honest and almost feels a little out of body. I’m in a little disbelief with myself. Still a ways to go but this feels like a big step forward.

Nothing has materially changed, it’s just where ive been headed. A couple of interesting things this past week though…

First it feels weird processing things and moving towards divorce when it’s my birthday and valentines is around the corner. I feel a little like I’m having to act my ass off. But don’t really have a choice but to pretend like things are normal for now.

So it was my birthday week last week

Happy belated birthday. 

Your thread is posted twice, but I'll comment here, as this seems to be the more recent one. 

It sounds like you have some time to prepare before your attorney files and serves your STBXW.  I'd make sure to get organized now.  I don't remember if you're moving out immediately, or cohabitating for some period of time while the divorce is pending, but I would find a safe, secure place and keep all my records there: notes from your attorney, evidence or things you've collected or drafted about the divorce, financial, personal, medical records you might need (including for your kids), etc.

Also, create a timeline of next steps, deadlines, hearing dates, etc. so you can stay on top of things you have to do, decisions you need to make, or responses you need to send.

That mix of shock and disbelief is really common after taking a formal step like that, especially when nothing on the outside has changed yet.
Add birthdays and holidays into the mix and it can feel especially surreal.
Go easy on yourself while it settles.