BPDFamily.com

I'll try to keep this as accurate and concise as I can. But a lot happened in a few weeks. I will pose the question now. I will provide context afterwards.

Context:

My girlfriend and I dated another woman together, who turned out to have BPD. We adore her and want to continue being with her. But understand that may not be possible. The most important thing to us right now is that she knows that we don't hate her.

Question:

After a fairly sudden and abrupt removal from her life, where she told us via chat that she had a panic attack after last seeing us, and not wanting to experience it ever again, she blocked us and told us she doesn’t want to hear from us ever again.

This felt like a violent self-amputation. And it left us in shambles. We didn’t know her friends yet, and have no grip on how she’s doing now.

We know she didn't mean to do hurt us. She tripped, she fell, and she accidentally took us down with her.

There was no major conflict before this, just a small disagreement that we noticed she was incredibly sensitive to. We asked for reassurance that everything is fine, and she couldn’t give it.

Several days before that date, she posted on Instagram that she feels that being rejected is better than the fear of rejection itself. Because then the pain is gone.

We do not know what to do.

On the one hand she asked us not to contact her. On the other hand, it was in the midst of an intense dysregulation. She’s currently gone on a business trip that she left on on Monday. She blocked us a week before already.

Is this it? Is it really just a matter of hoping she at one point unblocks us, and if she doesn’t, tough luck? We don’t want her to think that we hate her now. That’s the most important thing to us. Whether we'll have her back in our lives or not.

Hi SometimesI, welcome to BPDfamily. I’m really glad you found your way here, and I’m sorry for the situation that brought you in.

What you’re describing sounds really painful and confusing, especially with how sudden the cutoff was. It makes sense that you’d feel shaken and unsure what to do, particularly when things didn’t end with a clear conflict or any real sense of closure.

When someone asks for no contact, even in the middle of an intense emotional moment, it’s usually best to respect that boundary. Reaching out to reassure her that you don’t hate her could come from a good place, but it may feel overwhelming or intrusive on her side right now.

You’re right that strong emotions can shift over time, and sometimes space can help those feelings settle. The hard part is that there’s no way to predict if or when that might happen. For now, the most stable thing you can do is give that space and focus on taking care of yourselves while you sit with the uncertainty.